Monday, March 6, 2006

Chuck Norris is my homeboy

It's fun to play Chuck Norris Facts with your friends while watching bad TV. Chuck Norris has a great collection of observations about Our Hero, PLUS customized Chuck t-shirts and assorted Chuckshwag.
Have a laugh finding your own facts. From time to time you may wish to substitute Jean Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal, but I assure you, it's not nearly as fun.

So, the lines are open to callers now - tell us EVERYTHING YOU KNOW
about Chuck Norris.

Chuck's personal faves:
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  • There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  • Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

more facts...many thanks to Walid:

  • If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
  • The chief export of Chuck Norris is PAIN.
  • Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  • Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter, he grew a beard.
  • Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
  • Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
  • Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  • Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
  • Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
  • Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
  • Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
  • After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
  • Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the crap out of little kids.


steakbellie said...

I'm happy you posted but sad it doesnt say 'Bitch, Where's your Panties!' anymore at the top of your page.


katrocket said...

Awww ... Chuck doesn't float yer boat? I was hoping his action-denim crotch would draw in some female readership.

Stay tuned then SB - next major Partiste event is April 8, so there will be PLENTY O HYPE on this page in the coming weeks, including the gratuitous nudity and foul language you come to rely on from your beloved northern Partistes!

steakbellie said...

'action denim crotch'