Tuesday, December 19, 2006

got kilt?

I read in the newspaper this morning that there's a dire kilt shortage in the Scottish military. It's big news that the Scotish regiments in Afghanistan only have 320 kilts among men - which means that there's one skirt shared between 15 men.

As soon as I stopped laughing, I was quick to blame certain plaid-skirt-wearing competitive eaters and that gaggle of skanky Catholic school girls who ride the bus with me every day. Then I realized there's more to this issue than just an irregular displacement of traditional Celtic garments. I realized that the Scottish Army, just like the Canadian Army, is radically underequipped to patrol foreign conflict arenas.

A close friend of mine has served in the Canadian military for many years, so I'm no stranger to the trials and tribulations faced by our young men & women stationed overseas. Over the years, he has complained of inadequate weaponry, unsafe vehicles, substandard shelter, disgusting food, unbearable heat, incompetent leadership, bad communications, and a total lack of government support.


These poor Scottish lads are all breezy from the waist down. Well, all but 320 of them anyways. I mean, it's embarassing enough to show up at a fight wearing a skirt, nevermind charging the enemy in tighty whities. One would think the Scots would have cornered the global market on kiltery.

So I encourage you all to go to your closets in search of "gently used" plaid skirts and post them immediately to our Celtic brothers overseas. Every piece counts! Even old school uniforms from your 7 year-old daughter can be sewn together with someone else's kids' plaid scarf to make a bonny droog smile again. Mix it up -- support someone else's troops this holiday season!


bill said...

"gently used" is funny.

steakbellie said...

nice photo

last night i had a dream that i was in an ice cream eating contest to be held in the neighborhood I grew up in. All of the best Eaters in the world were there.

It was a known fact of the dream that I was going to win.

Problem was I couldnt find my kilt. The entire night I tossed and turned as I looked EVERYWHERE for that freaking kilt. I couldnt bear to win the Ice Cream title in Jeans.

It just wasnt right.


katrocket said...

SB - sorry, that was me. I snuck into your dream last night and stole your kilt so I could mail it to the Scottish peacekeepers. Sorry for any distress this may have caused you, but I'm trying to re-invent myself as the Freddie Kruger of Robin Hoods.

"Don't hate her. She only takes so she can give."

PS - photo is courtesy Getty Images (not mine)

ArtieLange said...

I have a beautiful sequenced prom dress that I wore at my bachelor party. Will that do? Who says Kilts have to be Tartan. Let's set a trend!!!