Wednesday, February 7, 2007

the Office Pirate

A woman in my office throws up her hands in a kind of mock-despair. She's fed-up with something.

Office Woman: "Why does everyone keep making pirate comments today?"

(she does a funny little twirl, as if modelling for me)

"hey Kat, I don't look like a pirate, do I? I love this outfit! It's cute."

Let's see... black capri pants with cuffed hem, the cut is slightly flared out from the knee, and paired with knee-high black boots. They are not a sexy style of boot, but kinda like a middle-aged woman 'comfort' dress boot with a buccaneer heel and the toe slightly curved upward.

On top we have a black and white striped boat-neck cashmere sweater, some kinda black and red lacey fringed shawl-scarf thing around her waist in lieu of a proper belt (...what is it with moms and their dressy shawl-scarves worn in abstract ways? If you ever see me wearing one for reasons other than sheer warmth, please choke me with it.)

The only items that seem to be missing are the eyepatch and the parrot. And not every pirate was lucky enough to have an eyepatch or a parrot, but I thought 'my GOD woman, HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN A FUCKING PIRATE BEFORE?'

Me: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar."



ArtieLange said...

Is she available for next year's Wing Bowl? Steakbellie could use a bucaneer in his entourage.

Birdy said...

Is that slang for gay sex?

katrocket said...

Artie: No harm in asking. I suspect she might also be a boob-flasher so she's perfect for stadium events.

Birdy: uh... maybe in your office.

pistols at dawn said...

You know, I've been trying to dress like a pirate at work for over a year now - even peppering my speech with terms like "pieces of eight," "shiver me timbers," and, most obviously, "Arrrrrr," and not once has anyone mentioned anything out of the ordinary.

They've all just tuned me out, haven't they?

katrocket said...

Pistols: good pirate conversation and a swashbuckling wardrobe aren't enough for everyone. Go for the peg leg. You'll get better parking spaces as well.