Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Help me Jeebus

Being a commuter in any large city means that you bear witness to some fairly shocking public rudeness from time to time. I have seen some incidents on the TTC ( our "metro") over the years: fist fights, lovemaking, wardrobe changes, hair & make-up, impromptu cocktail parties, gang shootings, and the occasional ditty written and performed by the mentally ill. But today I observed something that goes against everything I ever learned about Christianity.

Now, I normally steer clear of discussing religion. I don't practice one, though I was baptized United (Anglican) as a baby, way before I had the capacity to protest. I'm not spiritual, but everyone else is welcome to believe in and practise whatever faith(s) they want, as long as they don't kill me or bomb my house in the name of that faith. I don't care, just as long as you follow your rules, and you let me follow mine -- without judging me, thank you (lest thee be judged.)

I do recall from my school days that Christianity preaches a lot of lessons about love, brotherhood, kindness and understanding. I also sometimes buy into the hype that Canadians are a polite people, even though I know full well that Torontonians are on the low end of the scale. So imagine my surprise when both these "facts" were challenged during my morning commute today:

It's rush hour, I'm standing in a long line at a bus stop with close to 30 others, and I'm the 4th person in the queue. Traditionally, this is "line up" is considered a fair and orderly method to board a bus during peak times: the bus opens its doors at the front of the line, you let some riders off first to clear the seats, then you file in one at a time and pay your fare. Simple, but effective.

Today, there were some traffic delays on my route, so the bus was really packed and we knew all 30 of us wouldn't fit, so the people at the back of the line would have to wait for the next one. They normally run 2 to 5 minutes apart, so it's not really a big deal, and hey, that's life. But there was this short, fat, irritable-looking middle-aged woman who paced back and forth along the line like a caged lion.

When the bus finally arrived, Rude Lady rushed to the front of the line, pushing a young mother with her small child out of her way. The child appeared to be sideswiped across the face with Rude Lady's enormous tote bag. The kid started crying and holding his hand over his eye, while his mother gaped in disbelief and may have managed to say "hey, watch it!" or something to that effect, but I missed it because this woman was unstoppable as she assaulted her way onto that bus.

She didn't wait for the other riders to get off the bus, and she bowled over a little old lady who was delicately trying to step off the bus with her cane and a handful of shopping bags. At this point, the bus driver helped grandma retrieve her things, and then yelled at Rude Lady for her terrible behaviour. She replied by flipping him the bird and saying "fuck you, buddy", but not exactly loud enough for him to hear her.

For her grand finalé, Rude lady squeezed her capable ass into a seat reserved for handicapped/elderly people, trumping the legitimately elderly man in front of me out of his hard-earned seat. He said nothing, he just half-smiled and sighed loudly. Everyone who watched Rude Lady's performance shared a silent look that said "yeah, she's a real piece of work, huh?"

After the uproar, Rude Lady shot me a super dirty look (probably because I was staring at her), and reached into her handbag and pulled out a large thick hardcover book to read.

It was The Holy Bible.

She had it bookmarked more than three quarters of the way in, so we knew for sure she must have chosen to ignore all the lessons about kindness and doing unto others and not being a big fucking douchebag.

16 comments:

pistols at dawn said...

Wow. I always wondered where Mom ended up after I couldn't pay for the electroshock therapy treatments, but I didn't even think about the 'To.

I would like to apologize for frequently fighting and lovemaking on the TTC. I'm not going to change my behaviors - I'm a passionate man - but I'm sorry you had to witness it.

Chris said...

Dude, your mother gets around. I could swear she's been living in Sioux City making life miserable for people for the last few years...

The older I get the more apt I am to break out laughing in those sorts of situations. While I have yet to work up to outright rudeness, I have developed a knack for telling people what I think at inopportune times. People also tend to change their ways a bit when I pull my little digital camera out of my pocket and start documenting their behavior. Someday someone's gonna punch me in the beak for doing that...

katrocket said...

D'oh! I had my camera with me - dang, I should've thought of that, Chris! The old woman getting knocked over wasn't a laughing matter at the time(she was really upset and she could have been badly injured - poor gal), but that image in my head is getting funnier as the day goes on.

Bert Bananas said...

This post has been removed by God Almighty, and a suitable mark made against the author's soul

Bert Bananas said...

Whoa! Hey, sorry Big Guy!

Perhaps I can rephrase it...

No, I can't... So I'll shut up now, God.

Snooze said...

I like the camera idea. Post and shame. Oh yeah!

That is the single most horrific account of bad public transit behaviour [without being criminal] that I have ever read. I probably would have "accidentally" spilled coffee all over her Bible.

steakbellie said...

oi vey....

T said...

You should have just killed (or crippled) her. Her God would have forgiven you and you would have received a tremendous round of applause from your fellow riders.

I'm not big on forgiveness...

katrocket said...

I am known for being very outspoken in this kind of situation, but I omitted the epilogue of this story for 2 reasons:

1) I didn't think my reaction was the focal point of the story, and

2) I'm not really proud of my reaction, because I had to play dirty to get results.

But I think justice was served in the end:

I informed Rude Lady that she knocked down the grandma - just in case she wasn't self-aware, and also to guage her sanity level. I try not to pick fights with potentially volatile people. The elderly gentleman next to me told Rude Lady she was "dispicable' (right on, Gramps). She kinda chuckled, made a face, and continued to read. She was not a crazy person, just a very mean one.

So, on behalf of the elderly gentleman, I asked her nicely to give up her seat for him. She said "I don't see why I should". I said "because I will kick you in the cunt if you don't." Then I immediately went to the driver and told him that the Rude Lady called me a cunt and threatened me. Projection has never been more satisfying. He stopped the bus, they argued, she pointed at me, I made the ol' finger-round-the-ear-crazy-loco-sign, and the argument ended with the bus driver turfing her off the bus in the middle of a dusty construction zone on a 90 degree day.

The elderly gentleman took his seat, and the bus driver apologized to me, saying that he should never have let her on in the first place "after what she did to that old broad". (His words, not mine.)

Leonesse said...

Kat, normally I would have said that if I ever move to Canada I want you on my side but after your Supreme Court held that boy accountable for his school assignment I am afraid the sickness is spreading and not even Canada is safe. sigh...

Do they have a vaccine for stupidity?

pistols at dawn said...

That is fantastic. You are my heroine, although I'm going to start shaking in about an hour if we don't get some actual smack in what's left of these veins.

Also, I hope no one ever attacks me for what I do to old broads. They're very gracious for the attention and often offer me decades-old butterscotch candies and a fifty-cent piece as a tip.

T said...

Kat, your c-kicking verbiage damn near gave me a semi. Good f-ing job, Superhero Woman of Canada!

Chris said...

Kat - Great way to handle the situation! Kudos!

To clarify my comment way up there at the top -- I would never laugh at the old lady or the elderly gent, but when I saw Rude Lady pull a Bible out of her bag, THAT'S what I would laugh at. Not at the Bible itself, but the juxtaposition of rude people reading the Bible.

I did see yesterday that there's a web site out there somewhere that lets you enter the license plate number of the moron who cut you off and leave a comment about said moron for everyone to see. Maybe we should start a web site with photos of rude people... "Avoid These Menaces to Society." Might embarrass a few people into watching what they do.

Bert Bananas said...

Kat, brava!

Do you think she asked Gawd to forgive you or is she, even as we speak, begging Gawd, on hands and knees, to smite you with a smoting like no one's been smitten with since the Smite Girls were in their prams?

I am not a believer in inevitable 'what goes around comes around' but I don't might helping the circle to be closed. Further deponent sayeth not as the statute has not run.

Snooze said...

omg, I love it. Write to the TTC and praise the driver just in case the miserable woman tries to cause trouble for him. I don't know how you came up with that reaction on the spot, but it was perfect.

katrocket said...

bert: it wouldn't be the first time I've been smitten. I'm sure if there is a god, he's well aware of what he's dealing with.

leonesse: I'm not sure which boy you are talking about, but please note that Rocketradio has no affiliation with the Supreme Court, and does not wholly endorse the views of the Canadian Government. There is a definite separation of bitch and state here.

Chris: I've heard of such sites, and did you know that the Toronto Police used to have a website where they post hidden camera photos of johns picking up hookers? I find that pretty amusing.

Snooze: anger can drive a nice girl to think of all methods of revenge. Just ask my ex-boyfriends.

I appreciate all the kudos, dear readers, but as I've said, I am still not proud of my own actions. At the time, it seemed like the quickest remedy to her anti-social behaviour.

An interesting note: the word verification code for this post was "shine".