Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Mon fils n'est pas une fille!

Bonjour mes amis! Okay, excusez-moi, but I am a little bit outraging right now, so I must drop this ugly Katrocket mask for just a moment and speak from my heart, which is so very broken deep inside my chest.

It is about my son, Réné-Charles, and all those horrible mean bloggers and tabloids that say he look like a little girl. I mean, Réné is definitely a boy name! If I want him to be like girl, maybe I call him Suzette or Hillary instead, no?

As you can see here, he look almost exactly like boy, and is not his fault he have gorgeous flowing hair like his beautiful mother. I tell him he must live every blessed moment of this big hair, because daddy is bald and he cannot fight the awesome power of his hair destiny.


So listen up, you cruel internet bitches – leave my baby alone or I swear to God, I will find 2 other boys who look just like him and bring them on tour with me as Hanson Deux, and then you will be sorry.

XO je t'aime!

Celine D.

13 comments:

pistols at dawn said...

That's a dude? Man, oh man, do I have 56 gigs of pictures to delete from this hard drive Gary Glitter gave me.

Celine - perhaps this will just be part of Rene's Bowie phase. And I certainly hope his awkward teenage phase goes better for him than it did for that eldest Hanson kid, who actually turned out to be the missing link at age 17. "Where's the love?" Well, it's reserved for members of our own species, buddy, meaning it'll be a long, lonely life for you, because much as no man wants to bring Monica Lewinsky home to mom, no woman wants to explain to her girlfriends that the dude she's been banging is "the ugly, gangly guy from Hanson."

The Guv'ner said...

Oh man, I saw that cover the other day and I thought, "Wow, Celine has a big, ugly daughter!" Imagine my horror when I found out she actually has a big, ugly SON. I don't get the girlie hair thing at all. I mean we're not talking grunge long hair we're talking "I'm an eight year old Victorian lady with ringlets!" hair. And what's up with the girl's t-shirt?

Bert Bananas said...

CelineRocket, you know je t'adore...

Can he sing? Are you going to keep him a darling soprano all his life?

KatCeline, ma jolie mouche domestique, does R-C have play dates? And if so, with whom?

Call me! We can work this out!!

T said...

I'm thirty-some-odd years her/his senior, but I still want to kick your sons butt.

Celine, how dare you create a man more beautiful than yourself?!?

katrocket said...

Monsieur Pistols: Not all young men can have the delicate features of an angel, like my petit Réné-Charles! I too was once an ugly bird before I became the beautiful swan I am today. We must offer these young people hope, and also plastic surgery.

La Guv'ner: I look forward to a career break in 2008, when Papa Réné et moi hope to add a big ugly daughter to our family. The t-shirt is gorgeous, non? Très unisexy!

Bert: Réné-Charles can sing, but of course, not like his Mama can sing. We are careful not to push him into the music business. As you may know, my husband (Papa Réné) made me a superstar in my native Québec at age 12, and we all see now what happened there. We do not allow R-C to play with other children. If he does choose to become a star, we need him to be socially maladjusted or no one will pay attention to him. Also, stop calling me. You had your chance. No one chooses golf over Celine Dion.

T: I know! But even with ugly husband, my genes are so incredible, I cannot help but create beautiful little mini-me's!

Merci mes amis, I love you all!

Blank Field said...

"...we need him to be socially maladjusted or no one will pay attention to him."

Out of the mouths of total babes...

This phrase could be the catch phrase of this first decade of the 21st Century...if not the epitaph.

What's it like to be so talented, as well as so pithy?

katrocket said...

Oh Bert! This is like asking "what is it like to be a banana?" It is the most fabulous thing ever, of course! And I was assured by my surgeon after my last microdermabrasion treatment that I look much less pithy than ever before!

pistols at dawn said...

If you name your kid after your husband, do you ever have incredibly disturbing moments while calling out your husband's name during sex?

Also, aren't you just encouraging the kid to walk in on you at that point? "You've been calling me for forty seconds now, mom. You had some chore you wanted me to do, something apparently to do with chucking your lard?"

In an interesting turn of fate, if ignorance is bliss, than people who incorrectly think they're talented feel exactly the same as people who know they're talented, as they are ignorant of their suck.

katrocket said...

Pistols: We have no problem such as this, because I only call out my own name during sex.

I'm sorry, I don't understand that last bit. Are you trying to tell me that you suck?

CoffeeDog said...

That's a dude, huh.

Steve Caratzas said...

Zut allors!

That's it for me! Try the veal....

steakbellie said...

this picture brings out the Ugly in me...

Chris said...

Oh for Pete's sake, please hurry up and write another post... Every time I check in to see your blog that photo pops up. It's making me vaguely ill.