My American friends:I really get excited when fictional characters from cheesy 70s superhero films run for the Presidency of the United States. It's like a bright laser beam of hope and fantasy that cuts through my jaded soul like a hot knife through butter. For the first time in my life, I'm wishing I had voting priveleges so I could cast my ballot for the legendary General Zod in 2008.
General Zod very nearly wiped out the Man of Steel in Superman II, so I believe he's got what it takes to succeed George W. Bush. He could end the War in Iraq by simply blowing over insurgents with his superbreath like a stack of birthday candles. Poverty? Consider it banished forever to a spinning record album floating in space for eternity. If you're not convinced, this quote from The General may change your mind:
"When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn't know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote."
5 comments:
I, for one, am ready to kneel before Zod. I do wonder, however, how he will rule in absentia, since the last time I remember seeing him, he was locked in some kind of weird glass album cover floating through space.
Also, I am unsure how I feel about his pro-murdering our astronauts policies, but his personal life certainly seems far cleaner than Rudy's.
I'll vote for him at least once on election day!
I would only approve of him if I could be his vice-president (who has immunity from his murderous ways).
However, I am not growing a beard.
Vote early, vote often...
Zod is way but I'm voting for the other Mormon...
Post a Comment