Friday, July 27, 2007

Interview me(me)

I love a good bandwagon, so when I read Steve Caratzas' interview meme the other day on his Blog of Lewd Enlightenment, I jumped at the chance to hop aboard. Steve is a gifted and entertaining writer. His 8-word poems are thought-provoking and full of wry humour, so I knew his questions for me would be intelligent, insightful and original, unlike those twats at Entertainment Tonight, who can only think to pester me with repetitive annoying queries about my relationship with Daniel Craig and my secret life as Celine Dion.

Here's how it works:

If you care to participate, leave me a comment saying "Interview me." I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (e-mail me with your address if I don't already have it) You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to my questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions of your own.

Five questions from Steve Caratzas, Man About Town, U.S.A.:

1. McDonald's vs. Burger King: You'd rather be caught dead in which?

Well, death could come swiftly in either place, really, which is why I always use the drive-thru. I choose Burger King because I LOVE that sexy big-headed King guy, and I'm quite sure my people could spin a gripping tale of rocky romance and murderous intrigue for the media.

2. Company outings - you: 1) Slap a smile on your face, go and deal with people you otherwise hate; 2)"Yes" everyone to death and then don't show up; 3) Make it clear you wouldn't spend one nanosecond outside the office with co-workers if your life depended on it; 4) Go and actually enjoy it!

This is a cruel question to ask a woman who was just laid-off and has pretty much blocked out any memory of ever having a job in order to cope with the mental anguish of unemployment. Ooooh I kid you, Steve! - universal healthcare doesn't pay for drugs THAT good, so those memories are still painfully real to me! In my last job, I would usually "go and actually enjoy it", since most company functions featured an open bar. However, my former colleagues will say I'm more inclined towards # 2, because if there's no forecast of booze, I'm a big two-faced liar.

3. What rock band do you wish had never existed?

Does Britney Spears qualify as a 'rock band'? How about Kanye, Diddy, or the Pussycat Dolls? If not, I'll go with Panic! At The Disco, because they are an amalgam of Two Big Evils: Mimes playing emo (Mimemo?)

4. What character from Broadway musicals would you like to be and why?

A very challenging question! I'm not fond of musicals so I don't know many characters and had to do some research on this one. I would like to be Rizzo from Grease (played by Stockard Channing in the movie), because as a little girl, I aspired to be her -- tough, cool, radical anti-establishment, and really slutty. Some of my friends will tell you I only succeeded with the slutty part, but they're just jealous of my pink satin jacket.

5. If there is a God and a Heaven, what are the bathroom facilities like?

I was hoping that death would free us all from our human bodies and thus, end the terrible inconvenience of pee-breaks and match-lighting. I envision pristine white marble and iridescent tile that changes colours with different lighting conditions, with streak-free glass and shiny chrome, like those fabulous bathrooms with $20,000 faucets that you see in Architectural Digest. There are endless stalls with locks that actually work and cashmere in place of toilet paper. There are absolutely no hand-dryers (not when there's heated chenille hand towels!), an Olympic-sized jacuzzi tub surrounded by widescreen plasma TVs, and little shelves everywhere for my cocktail. Oh, and maybe a wet bar in case I need a refresher. There would always be a professional make-up artist and hair stylist on hand for touch-ups. Ideally, I also wouldn't have to share my gigantic Heaven bathroom with anyone else. That would just be Hell.

Updated July 29:

My interview with Pistols at Dawn

My interview with The Guv'nah

My interview with Leonesse


pistols at dawn said...

Yay! I feel like I've learned so much, like "I don't think I could come up with sufficiently witty questions to pull this off."

But Kat, I think we've come to that special place in our relationship, the kind where you can email me questions and I'll answer them, as long as the answers don't incriminate or out me. So interview me, but I'm not talking about my relationship with Rue McLanahan and my publicist won't let you ask questions about my Malwaian children.

katrocket said...

Pistols, you are already at the top of my list, because:

You + talking about You + writing posts about You + email from a woman not sent via lawyers = no brainer

pistols at dawn said...


For many years, I thought that safe sex meant "after this is over, we will never communicate except through walls of retained lawyers." I have had no reason yet to change this definition.

The Guv'ner said...

VERY insightful into the mind of a madman...erm...a lady from Canadia.

I especially liked your bathroom ideas and demand to have my name put on a list to get one as soon as I arrive, which, if I have to handle one more set of goddamn travel arrangements today, will be...tonight.

I would also like to requesteth questions because I am an attention whore and because any time I see this meme I back out. My ME-MAIL (as I like to call it) address is: aeroplanic at spikey dot com.

Heaven will be a place where Celine does not sing. No offense, to your alter ego.

Leonesse said...

Heaven is a place where Celine cuts Rene-Charles' hair.

:::mentally flogging myself for even stooping so low:::

Dale said...

Excellent answers and title. Me(me)-that's funny!

Please be younger though, than Stockard who looked about 40 playing a 17 year old.

Leonesse said...

Dale, don't impede the Cougar on the hunt. She's got plans.

katrocket said...

According to Wikipedia, Ms. Channing was 34 when she played that role, but that whole cast was waaaay too old for high school, so perhaps the filmmakers were just hoping no one would notice.

I'm already too old to play Rizzo, but my next choice was Little Orphan Annie, and I figured that might be too much of a stretch. I don't have red hair.

Also, I have pupils.

T said...

I'll save us both time and decline. Besides, all my answers would be a lie, -thus making my posts even more irrelevant.

pistols at dawn said...

I don't like Grease.

There, I've said it.

Besides, in a film where everything else happens in our regular universe, why does the car fly into space at the end? Is everything in that world like ours the same except for the cars of people in love?

Dale said...

The car thing always annoyed me more than Stockard being 236 years old playing a teen. What?

Leonesse said...

And Motorcycles.

Did your hate of Grease preclude you from watching Grease 2?