Monday, August 27, 2007

Being a valued customer is so awesome

This morning I got a call from a telemarketer, representing my local communications company...

Telemarketer: Could I please speak to Mr. or Mrs. Katrocket?

Me: Speaking!

Telemarketer: (a little more confused now) Uh...could I please speak to Mrs. Katrocket?

Me: Yes. This is her. Can I help you?

Telemarketer: Ah! hello ma'am - how are you today? My name is [Telemarketer] and since you are a valued customer of Gigantic Communications Company Inc., I'm calling to offer you a special low rate when you sign up for our mobile phone service...

Me: I already subscribe to your mobile phone service.

Telemarketer: According to my records, you do not have a mobile phone account with us, ma'am.

Me: According to my records, I've been paying for this cellular account for over a year, and in fact I'm talking to you on my cell phone right now.

Telemarketer: There must be some mistake.

Me: Obviously it's on your end. Anything else?

Telemarketer: Can I interest you in our hi-speed internet service? We offer the fastest download speeds at the lowest prices, and...

Me: I already have an internet account with you.

Telemarketer: Really? According to my records...

Me: I think we just established that your records may not be entirely accurate.

Telemarketer: [pause] Oh... m'am? Oh, excuse me! I'm so very sorry, I was reading off another account on my screen here! [laughter] Silly me! ... um... are you Mr. Smith?

Me: Do I sound like Mr. Smith? I'm Ms. Katrocket...remember?

Telemarketer: Ah yes! Mrs. Katrocket... right?

Me: Yes, sir. Ms. Katrocket...

Telemarketer: yes - Ms. Katrocket...I'm calling you because you are a valued customer of Gigantic Communications Company Inc., and we would like to offer you a special low rate when you sign up for our mobile phone service...

Me: Are you serious?

Telemarketer: Yes! It's an exceptional savings package and tailored to meet your personal needs!

Me: But I just told you, I already have a mobile account with you.

Telemarketer: Perhaps you would be interested in our hi-speed internet services?

Me: *click*

15 comments:

pistols at dawn said...

You know, if you'd read between the lines, you would have realized I was offering you a "good time." The kids these days, they call it "mobile phone service" now. That's why I offered you the "special package."

And here you are thinking I'm the one who's dim...

katrocket said...

DAMMIT Pistols!

I KNEW I should have asked what you were wearing! D'oh! I'm such a fool.

Please call me again tonight.

Leonesse said...

Don't you just love it?

Bert Bananas said...

Next best thing to hanging up is to ask your telemarketer if he/she has found Jesus, and then no matter what the answer is, to say, "Let us pray together..." and then launch into a prayer. Whenever the person tries to interrupt, just raise your voice and pray harder. Praying for Socialism, with its end to private corporations sometimes inspires them to shout 'Amen!'

T said...

Can you PLEASE call me back when my other hand isn't so preoccupied?

The Idea Of Progress said...

1) You got a telemarketing call on your cell? I don't think that's legal, even for your service provider

2) Was that guy high?

3) No seriously, do you think he was high?

4) Have you, or anyone you've ever known, actually bought anything from a telemarketer? Or from spam? How do these people make money?

Beth said...

Omigod, that's so funny! What an idiot ...

Snooze said...

Darlin' you have the most interesting experiences...

pistols at dawn said...

I was wearing what I'm always wearing: jodhpurs and chain mail.

katrocket said...

Progress: Sure, he could have been high, or maybe it was his first day on the job?. I dunno, but I was really pissed off that they called my cell. You're right - who buys things from telelmarketers? They also bombarded me with e-mails today. Jerks.

Snooze: that's only because I make half of them up.

Pistols: You'll be in my dreams tonight - wearing that outfit.

Dale said...

What a deaf retard! That's hilarious.

pistols at dawn said...

I apologize for presumably ruining your sleep last night with that outfit.

The Guv'ner said...

They also don't like it much if you sing to them. I get quite offended at the reaction. Barry Manilow is a particular deal breaker for telemarketers.

Boldly Serving Up Wheat Grass said...

Thing is, that transcript is so utterly ridiculous that it cannot be fake. God, what an awful job that must be (though there are certainly enough idiots to man all of the available posts out there, too). For as annoying as they are, you seem to have enjoyed toying with the guy!

deadspot said...

"I think we just established that your records may not be entirely accurate."

Oh, you are so fabulous. I want to be you when I grow up.