Thursday, August 23, 2007

Communication shakedown

I'm dating a guy I just don't understand.

Sure, we've all had those times when we can't relate to our partner, or we don't agree on a particular subject, or we don't get why they behave in certain ways. My problem is a bit different: I don't understand too many of the words that come out of his mouth.

*click image to enlarge*

He has a very, very thick accent and uses a great deal of his native slang in conversation. I have no fucking idea what he's talking about most of the time. So I end up nodding and laughing at inappropriate times, answering his questions incorrectly, or worse -- saying "oh yeah? that's great!" and then not answering his question at all. Sometimes I panic and completely change the subject.

He thinks I'm "eccentric" and "mysterious". He's sweet and charming and very intelligent (I think - I mean, he sounds like he knows what he's talking about), so I'd like to keep seeing this guy, but I might need subtitles or sign language to go any further. I'm already constantly asking him to slow down, or repeat himself, and why he doesn't think I'm a deaf retard, I'll never know.

I'm usually quite confident in my conversational abilities, and I often rely on my witty répartée and sense of humour to charm my way about town. But with this guy, I've been a complete idiot on every date, and yet he keeps coming back for more. I'm not sure if this is a testament to the Awesomeness of Me, or if men will just tolerate anything for a regular go at a big-breasted gal who gets all randy after a few drinks.

Is it okay to politely tell someone you really like that their english sucks?

Oh, and what if he happens to be English?


pistols at dawn said...

I suggest you treat him like a dog: listen to tones and just give up on the words. It's going to end up there anyway, so why bother wasting all that time and energy trying to grab some sort of Rosetta Stone and figure out what the hell he's saying?

And the English are some of the world's worst speakers of English. It's the real reason the sun set on their Empire: a cruel prank during a game of "Telephone."

It reminds me of this story where I was in a lorry headed to a discotheque, when all of a sudden, bob's your uncle, I've got a flat. So I ran to a mate's flat nearby, took the lift, used the loo, grabbed a spanner and torch and I was on my way.

Oh, and then I told a tosser Thatcherite to sod off, he's not the dog's bollocks and I'd bop him fer tuppence, just for good measure. Then I bought him a pint, some porridge and minces, and we were right as rain.

F you, Britannia. In your case, literally.

katrocket said...

Kudos, Pistols At Dawn. You are one dodgy sausage.

The Idea Of Progress said...

Things that do not mean the same in American and British English:

Pants: In America, the same as trousers. In England, the same as underpants. May be the source of some embarrassment if you try to show your friend's mom your new pair of pants.

Fanny: In America, butt. Usually used in conjunction with 'fanny pack.' In England: Vagina. Make sure you know the difference.

Snog: In England: Kiss. In America: Huh?

Fag: In America, use of the word (for non-homosexuals) will cause you to be regarded as an asshole. In England: cigarette.

Not to mention they spell tire 'tyre' and 'draft'as 'draught.'

Just tell him he's wrong, and make him speak proper American (or Canadian).

katrocket said...

I knew some of those already, having made the "pants" mistake once -- but "fanny" is a vagina??? Seriously? Oh, all those poor ladies named Fanny! I had NO IDEA!

That will come in handy cuz I always thought they just called it a cunt.

Excuse my English.

T said...

You sure he's just not from Joizee?

Sit down and watch Strange Brew together and see if he gets it. If he does (or doesn't), tell him, "I'd do ANYTHING for someone who talks like that (all the time)".

You know what I mean, eh?

Beth said...

Be careful: You may end up having to wear a pirate shirt with puffy sleeves.

katrocket said...

T: I already sorta talk like that myself, and the world can live without another double-Hoser relationship. I think accents are très sexy, by the way, I'm just gonna ask him to use more recognizable words and phrases.

Beth: I wouldn't mind me a pirate shirt, actually. It would totally go with my eyepatch!

pistols at dawn said...

I know what this is all about. I used to date Dustin Hoffman, and I still don't understand a gd word that man says.

The Idea Of Progress said...

Oddly, the word ;cunt' is not nearly as bad of a word there as it is here. My first day there, I heard it used about a thousand times, and I was scandalized, until I realized it was about as bad of a word as 'bitch.'

Leonesse said...

I just use the sign language. I point to him, point to myself and make that straight finger through the other finger hole. There is no mistaking that one.

The Guv'ner said...

If he happens to be ENGLISH I'd say it all makes sense. Especially if he's from say, NEWCASTLE or that part of the country where I think they make it up as they go along to baffle everyone else.

I actually thought he might be Scottish because Glaswegians...I am one yet I have no fucking clue what they are saying half the time.

The Guv'ner said...

How could anyone not know a FANNY is a hoo hoo? I despair of you North Americans! :) It's been my biggest source of amusement since I came to the U.S. People falling on their fannies. I mean that's HILARIOUS! And almost impossible where I come from.

Bert Bananas said...

So, "I got my loan through Fanny Mae" is hysterical to Brits? Who knew?

Kat, does he seem to understand you when you talk? Or is it always about him? I always bend over backwards to let the female in the equation have as much talk time as I get. Not that I, or any real man ever listens... It gives us a chance to work on the plan to get her trousers down so we can work on her pants so that we can get the fanny packed...

Interpersonal relationships are the stuff of legends.

Dale said...

Are you in fact a deaf retard? Cause that might be the problem right?

katrocket said...

What was that?


Snooze said...

You need to drink more. And come over and watch Coronation Street on Sundays with me. Then it will all make sense.