Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Say Hello to the Future of Fine Art

Last month, we Said Hello to the Future of Science, with an in-depth look at elementary school science fair projects. Thanks to your positive feedback, Say Hello is now a monthly Rocketradio feature. Today we'll check out youth in the modern art market.

Picasso once said "Every child is an artist." I'd like to point out that he did not say "Every child is a great artist." Some of them are emotionally disturbed and downright creepy. One could argue that these are the kids who will actually make a living from their creative pursuits. Only time, and your tax dollars spent on pointless therapy, will tell.

The following images were culled from the Global Children's Art Gallery, which is actually a fun site to browse if you have some time on your hands. I think it's a great idea, and I'm blown away by the some of the artistic talent there. However, there's a awful lot of crap too, and I only reap joy from making fun of others (especially children), so if you'd like to see some good art, please visit the site on your own time. For those of you who prefer to point and laugh at younger generations, say hello to the future of fine art:

Click on images to enlarge

Jake's Garden by Jake L., age 1
California, USA
medium: fingerpaint
For a 1-year old, Jake has a great eye for form and texture, but falls short in his use of a dead medium: fingerpaint. Only babies use fingerpaint, Jake. Get your shit together.




Pickles the Clown by Gabrielle C., age 9
New Brunswick, Canada
medium: magic marker
"Pickles" has something very big going on in his pants. I hope it's something more innocent than it looks. Like an adult diaper.




Good Teeth by Aden R., age 7
British Columbia, Canada
medium: Microsoft Paint
Uh, those are NOT good teeth. Those are nasty British teeth. Dr. Scott is seriously screwing your parents' insurance company. Run and tell an adult!

Banana by Sean S., age 11
Wirral Merseyside, UK
medium: Microsoft Paint
This is the only image in the entire Gallery that has a commercial licencing request. You can see why. Because it's so fucking original. Listen you little thief: Warhol already pulled this crap back in 1966. Just because he got away with it, doesn't mean you can.

Cruising on the Beach by Safena R., age 5
Florida, USA
medium: Microsoft Paint
Wow, that's one helluva penis-ula. Call me old-fashioned, but I think Safena's a little young to be cruising any beach that's shaped like a giant cock.

My Dear Grandfather by Fransisca C., age 11
East Java, Indonesia
medium: acrylic
Fransisca C. is by far my favourite artist on this site. She's the only kid in the gallery who has mastered real artist's paints (no MS Paint bullshit for this girl), and her imagery is often dark and disturbing. I can only guess what her "dear grandfather" is up to here, but I suspect it's not good. As further proof, I offer up another example from Fransisca's portfolio...

Drawing Water From a Well by Fransisca C., age 11
East Java, Indonesia
medium: acrylic

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

8 comments:

Miss Awesome said...

If you look closely you can see a big "F" followed by some of the signs they use in cartoons to make swear words in Jake's painting. I think that one year old might be secretly cursing us out!

Little genius.

doorknob_dan said...

Whoa, Francisca C. is one gifted kid.

And like all gifted people, quite scary.

(Did you just see me making a scary face? Coz I did!)

But hey, that banana is fucking PHALLIC! WTF? Why does art have to be so indecent sometimes?

Cap'n Ergo "XL+1" Jinglebollocks said...

Pickles has one boob, too...

BeckEye said...

Man, my dear grandfather looks like he's doing something very inappropriate.

Love those good teeth.

Chris said...

I have to admit, I'm unhappy to have to scroll down past this post to see the Meatsweat boobs.

pistols at dawn said...

Holy crap. Must all 11-year-olds be better at all things than me? The only thing I've got over them is that I don't cry so much during sex.

Falwless said...

I couldn't get past "For a 1-year old, Jake has a great eye for form and texture, but falls short in his use of a dead medium: fingerpaint. Only babies use fingerpaint, Jake. Get your shit together."

That has to be the funniest thing I've read all week.

God bless you.

Dale said...

Ohho dreamcrusher, I believe you can get me through the niiight.