While researching the Thesbians post last week, it became immediately apparent that American Idol had more than enough men who look like old lesbians to earn their own post. I only watch the show during the auditions at the beginning of each season, when all the untalented, delusional superfreaks do their thing. I actually wish the whole season was just the horrible auditions, because that would entertain me way more than butchered Elton John songs ever could.
I have enlisted the help of a leading expert on the subject of Idol Men, Ms. Beckeye of The Pop Eye, along with my cousin, Big Boss, who is the Tour Manager for the top 12 winning contestants on Canadian Idol. Special thanks to both of them...
Note: Beckeye gave me a long list of contenders, too many to feature here, although I disqualified many of them for looking more like pretty gay men, not old lesbians. Examples: Constantine Maroulis, Ace Young, R.J. Helton, and Ejay Day.
Clay Aiken - way too easy.
Jason Castro - I'm posting this again because some of you are hot for this dude, and I sorta figure it might be a good recruiting ad.
Anthony Federov - If he didn't want to be on this list, he should not have worn the official uniform.
Justin Guarini - I'm on the fence about this guy, because it totally depends on the photo. I'm including him because I used to date a woman with hair like that. She shed too much, so I broke up with her.
Chris Sligh - Most likely waiting for a call from Judd Apatow.
Danny Noriega - Not a finalist, but DAMN. She's fierce!
Ryan Seacrest (host) - Will probably get dykier as he ages. Can't wait.
Ryan Malcolm (Canadian Idol winner, 2003) - He doesn't look like this anymore, because now he's a frontman for an "indie rock band", so he's sporting the hipster-doofus look. Their album, however, includes several songs about lesbians. Coincidence?
Kalan Porter (Canadian Idol winner, 2004) - Canadian tweens love a pretty Idol. I actually met this kid at a Big Boss BBQ, and he's a genuine sweetheart, so I'll go easy on him. He works hard to look like this, so I'm sure he'll be thrilled to make the list.
Billy Klippert (Canadian Idol - 3rd place, 2003) - If it wasn't for the beard, I would swear this is my friend, Deb.