Thursday, April 3, 2008

International Cussin' 101

I swear too much. There was a time when I had control over my potty mouth in professional situations, but now that I'm self-employed and I don't have any uptight co-workers to worry about, my colourful vocabulary sometimes creeps into a business conversation before my brain even realizes it's happened.

Catherinette Singleton has recently gone on a cussing diet, and her success story has inspired me to do the same. But I couldn't go cold turkey. I needed a placebo, and there's no skin patch for swearing cessation, so I tried the Homer Simpson Swear Jar approach.

Last week, I put a dollar into a jar everytime I said a bad word. But then I used that $186 to restock my liquor cabinet, which only helped me to see the awesome benefits of bad language, and encouraged me to cuss a lot more than usual.

But this week, I've stumbled upon a cleaner route to a sharper tongue: swearing in foreign languages. Twenty years of international travel, angry foreign lovers, and a multicultural posse have armed me with a vast vocabulary of highly offensive words in over 15 different languages. It's hard for folks to get offended about things they don't understand (the Christian Right exempted). Therefore, calling someone a "pizza" to their face sounds a lot more civil than calling them a cunt. And yet my brain is still able to register that same sweet feeling of satisfaction.

Normally I would offer a comprehensive list of exceptionally vulgar expletives and insults for the home and workplace right here on Rocketradio, but it's very powerful stuff and children might be reading (they come here for the porn). If you're interested in taking a free course, sign up in the comment section and I'll post a lesson if there's enough interest.

18 comments:

Blank Field said...

I believe in learning, so even though I only baby-cuss on the golf course and when driving, and don't really need any new words, still, I'm always open to new things. Someone once told me that 'shyzer' was German for 'shit' and I've clutched this knowledge tightly to my bosom.

)baby-cussing is when you don't use profanity, just f-bombs, m-f bombs and 'holy smokes!'

Blank Field said...

"pizza face" may now make a comeback due to your efforts!

Bluzlover said...

Wow, who knew pizza was Italian for cunt. It gives a whole new meaning to pizza delivery and pizza by the slice. I'll never eat a slice of pizza again...excuse my tongue.

katrocket said...

bert: Indeed, "Schei├če" (Scheisse) is a word I also enjoy.

bluzlover: Actually, "Pizda/pydza" means cunt in most Eastern European languages (Romanian, Croatian, Lithuaniun, Slovenian, Czech, Hungarian, etc). In Italian, it means "pie". Same difference.

Falwless said...

I'm not really sure why cursing is such a bad thing. I just don't get it. Why isn't "jar" a curse word? What about "lanky"? I mean, it seems so absurd, that someone chose certain words and said, "Now these here, THESE are BAD! The rest? Ehh, we like those."

P.S. I loved the "It's hard for folks to get offended about things they don't understand (the Christian Right exempted)." HAHAHA!

Snooze said...

Sign me up.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

So, all your swearing goes to booze, which leads to more cursing, which means more booze, which . . .

A vicious cycle.

Chris said...

I have the other problem. Sometimes I'm in a situation where it's expected to let loose a blue streak, and that's where (I really said this!) things like "Golly! Well dang it all to heck! Oh for gosh sakes..."

Now when I'm around my sainted mother-in-law, on the other hand...

BeckEye said...

I tried to stop swearing once, but then I just said, "fuck it."

Boldly Serving Up Wheat Grass said...

I'll take the free course!

The Ambiguous Blob said...

before I visited Costa Rica, I brushed up on my dirty espanol with an audio tape dedicated to shit words. I was well-prepared for the trip.

doorknob_dan said...

Can I have the swear words you don't use?

Cap'n Ergo "XL+1" Jinglebollocks said...

wait, where's th' porn??

I've gotta watch that shit myself-- the f-bomb is peppered every 5-8th word 'round here. Teenagers.

pistols at dawn said...

I now will chortle childishly every time I eat pizza, which is 2 times per day, because I'm all about health. Oh, and the ladies.

Leonesse said...

If Pistols eats the ladies twice per day then he must have LOTS of ladies lined up.

Dale said...

I've been learning ever since I first read your blog.
I can't wait to call out Who's hungry for pizda at our next lame work thing.

T said...

Fuck, you cuss a lot!

Gnugs said...

hmmm... saving money to debauch myself. Sounds like a great reason to start a cussing jar.