Thursday, April 24, 2008

Satisfy her with your huge deck*

The weather is getting warmer, and the backyard party season is just around the corner. Soon you'll be inviting friends over for good times and a couple of beers on the deck.

But some of you guys out there might be concerned about the size of your deck. Maybe your wife spends most of the season complaining that it's not big enough.

Here's a helpful tip:

Try trimming the bush around your deck.

It will make your deck look bigger.

* this is ripped from Blue Collar TV. You can watch the skit here.

Warning: it's stupid. But really funny.


Leonesse said...

Damn my lack of speakers. Damn it all to hell. I do have a weed wacker to make that deck look bigger, though.

doorknob_dan said...

I use Swedish suction technology to make my deck bigger.

Sure it doesn't really work on wood, but I always thought of it more as something to slide onto my deck and enjoy rather than taking it seriously as a deck enlarger.

Also sometimes when the wood gets wet it tends to swell. But only when a lady is on my deck.

There are other times when people are sitting on my deck maybe after a few drinks, and things get out of control. I've had to remove a person from my deck once forcefully because they were thrashing about uncontrollably and I was worried they would hit me or someone else in the vicinity.

One time I was working on my deck by myself and I didn't notice the food on the stove was on fire. Just like any other handyman, sometimes I get wrapped up in my work and forget what's going on.

I like having a nice polished deck and am proud to show it off to the neighbors on occasion. I'll invite mine over for a good time on my deck, hey, what good is a deck if you can't share it with your friends?

Know what's funnier than my deck comments though? Nothing. Nothing is funnier.

Falwless said...

I like how Dan really goes all out. Tremendous effort. Really puts his all into it. I've seen his deck, though. It's pretty tiny.

doorknob_dan said...

It's not how big your deck is, it's how many people you can comfortably fit onto it at once.

BeckEye said...

It's not the size of the deck, it's strength of the wood? I don't know.

Falwless said...

dan--Okay, okay, you win. That was funny.

katrocket said...

Leonesse - just make sure LK doesnt catch you near his deck with a weed whacker. It makes a man nervous.

Dan - you still have your own blog, right? I'm kidding - that was funny stuff.

Falwless - stop encouraging him!

BeckEye - hard + wood = acceptable deck comment!

My friend Ronnie has the biggest deck I've ever seen. It's almost as big as his entire backyard. It's so true what they say about black guys.

Bluzlover said...

This is hilarious! Deck envy, every man's nightmare. If you're on your deck at sunrise is that morning wood?

katrocket said...

Bluzlover; If you're able to stand on your own deck, then honey, I definitely wanna meet you.

pistols at dawn said...

I've got to say, women tend to seem interested in my deck, but about four seconds after I show it to them, they say whatever the eight-year-old version of "I'm calling the cops" is and run off, and I've got to move all over again.

Grant Miller said...

My deck burnt down in college. Now I just have a big ash where there once was deck.