Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Craig's list just got more personal

I don't often discuss my personal life on this blog. I don't have any funny or embarrassing dating experiences to share. I'm not a homo(wner), like that hilarious Jon guy, who can spin even the most mundane of domestic chores into comedy gold. I don't work for The Man anymore, and I live a very contented existence, so I have no complaints about work or colleagues, family or friends. I guess that just leaves my social life, which is too outrageously awesome to put into words. Until now!...

Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me if I ever read those "missed connections" ads on Craigslist. Admittedly, I have. I read them whenever some blogger posts a super crazy ad on their blog for comedic purposes. Here's a good one from Falwless. And The Idea of Progress has an excellent Craigslist series, as well. (Wait - Don't go there yet! Stay with me for a minute and then you can go do whatever the hell you want. )

Anyways, I was shocked when my friend told me she sees my name pop up from time to time in the missed connections ads, and she sent me the links. I had no idea that a mere whiff of my presence could drive anyone to spending 30 seconds posting an e-mail in a place that no one will ever find it! I always thought that Craigslist was some kind of repository for stalkers and jilted lovers. I was wrong! Apparently it is also a search engine for people who smile at each other in public places.

I have published the ads here, in their entirety, with only the reply-to address changed to protect the identities of the possible future Mr. Rockets:

Crazy Dancing girl "Kat" Friday Night at Tattoo Rock Parlour- m4w (Toronto)
Reply to: pers-xxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-13, 11:46PM EDT

Hey Cat or Kat...

We danced from 2am til the lights came on... you were wearing a striped black and white top, i was wearing a black vest and black tie combo. You're a fantastic crazy dancer, and super fun ! Let's do it again sometime! Drop me a note...

·Location: Toronto
·it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxx

Hey guy! Yeah, I totally remember you. Or at least I remember thinking "If it weren't for that black vest and black tie combo, I would rock your world."


To Katrocket, the woman who ripped me off - m4w - 21
Reply to: pers-xxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-11, 12:23AM EDT

You said your name was Katrocket.
I found it so hot that you overcharged me for my salad.
Would love to see more of you.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxx

If you think that's hot, check this out: I don't even work there. I used your salad cash to buy cigarettes. Does that make you feel dirty?


You go by Kat - m4w (Outside the Org)
Reply to: pers-xxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-06, 3:16AM EDT

Actually, you go by a name slightly longer than Kat. Obviously due to the movement we both belong to, secrecy has prevented me from learning anything more. I'd like to change that.

Truth be told, I have a huge crush on you.

I have reservations about writing this, because I know that others from our group have expressed interest in you, but I'm hoping that maybe I'm on that list that you mentioned to E tonight (not that I want to be dragged into the bathroom by you, yet, but that you're at least interested)

I have no idea if you'll read this, but people whom we mutually know might and put two and two together and point this out to you. If they do, and you're interested in knowing who I am, reply to this and tell me the entire name you go by (well, either of them will do). Bonus points if you venture a guess as to who I am. It shouldn't be hard to guess, I was staring at you way too much tonight and I think I made it obvious.

I'm rambling. I'll shut the fuck up now and hope you read this.

·Location: Outside the Org
·it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxx

dear Pistols:

Yes, it's a bit creepy when you stare at me like that. But it's cool, I know how sensitive you are about your lazy eye, and I just assumed that you were staring at my boobs. Listen, I need you to know that when I was talking about "dragging people into the bathroom", it's definitely
not what you think! I'm actually taking public restroom portraits of these people for an art photography project I'm working on, entitled: "Loos Yourself". That's why "Queen Elizabeth II" is on that list.

Also, blogging isn't really a "movement", is it? Dude, you're making it sound like we're in the Justice League.

yours truly,

Kat R_____.


Gnugs said...

I now have EXCELLENT stalking fodder. I thank you lady. ;)

Toronto, wasn't it?

Falwless said...

Oh dear god this was hilarious. Especially the reply to Pistols.

I love you.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

That's awesome. You've actually given me a great idea for a review...

Jon said...

Is that guy in the picture trying to grab some boob while being attacked? I don't use the word "hero" very often, but wow. Nicely done, imaginary comic guy.

Also, Craigslist is a very scary place.

Beth said...

Man, you're cooler than I thought!

Dr Zibbs said...

I respond to people looking for old loves. I tell them to meet me for a picnic. When they show up I jump out of a bush (wearing a mask) and steal the lunch and run. To make sure I can sleep at night I always send an email saying they haven't changed a bit.

pistols at dawn said...

I'd still like to be dragged into the restroom, and on the upside, if I expose myself, you won't need a lot of paint. I said "Outside the Org" because you'll remain at all times very, very far away from an orgasm.

Secondly, this movement of ours is more like the Injustice League, because after all the salads I've bought you, you should have at least let me get to second base.

Gwen said...


(The above is an acronym for "I really truly did laugh out loud." Feel free to use it, I'm trying to get it started. KThxBai!)

ginger b said...

Now surely I thought the plumber would have MC'd you.

Yes, I used "MC".

Yes, I AM ashamed of myself.

Chris said...

I dunno... I've read some of Pistol's bloggy things, and "movement" actually is one word that comes readily to mind...

Just kidding, just kidding.

katrocket said...

gnugs: I'm always impressed with stalkers who go that extra several hundred miles, so be sure to say "hi" so I can invite you in for a drink.

falwless: The love is mutual.

imaginary reviewer: You've only been here a week and already you're stealing my ideas? That makes me feel pretty darn special, so you'll be a fine fit within "the Org".

Jon: Yes, he's grabbing some boob. I just had to share it with you.

Beth: I wasn't cool before? Does it have anything to do with my mullet?

Dr. Zibbs: At least you offer them closure - that's what missed connections are really all about.

Pistols: You don't make friends with salad, but I hope the stalking continues, as it's my primary source of exercise.

Gwen: Oh, you say it's free to use now, but will my rates increase two months from now?

Ginger B: Oh, the PLUMBER. It turns out he was only interested in my plumbing. So he plunged me over and over and then I never heard from him again.

Chris: ha! I've seen Pistols' bloggy thing, and it's so much longer than he'll ever admit to.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Okay, the review that you inspired has been future-posted for Monday. You have been credited, and shall get your reward in Heaven. (That's a London gay club)

Gnugs said...

I just realized that the guy in the picture is still trying to cop a feel even when faced with imminent braining.

Bluzlover said...

That's funny! Is Craigslist for people who can't look someone in the eye and say these things or is it the suspense? It's like writing a note, putting it in a bottle and sending it out to sea. This method of "dating" could lead to some lonely nights. I have to admit, it excites me!

Bert Bananas said...

My ghawd! What if Paula Bunker reads these ads?!

catherinette said...

Oh my god, your reply to Pistols is freaking HILARIOUS!! I just peed myself in my cubicle. I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy now.

The Idea Of Progress said...

I plan on leaving you cryptic messages in the Missed Connections for Toronto. They will be instructions on who you will assassinate next.

Wait for my signal.

The Idea Of Progress said...

I plan on leaving you cryptic messages in the Missed Connections for Toronto. They will be instructions on who you will assassinate next.

Wait for my signal.