Friday, July 25, 2008

I should probably do something more constructive with my time.

Sienna Miller is suing a couple of British tabloids for publishing topless photos of her frolicking with actor Balthazar Getty, which may or may not have brought his marriage to an end. I don't feel sorry for Ms. Miller, and I'm not buying the whole "you violated my privacy" thing. She has been violating her own privacy for years -- she's just pissed off that her boyfriend's wife found out, as well. Listen, if she didn't want us to see her sad little boobs, she wouldn't have posed topless for Vanity Fair (see photo at left), and maybe she'd wear a bikini on a beach full of paparazzi. If I were a celebrity with a dozen cameras constantly pointed at my house/ cabana/ backseat of car, I would not be stupid enough to walk around naked on my deck. I'm pretty sure that's the main reason why I'm not famous.

A pet rabbit belonging to an Australian couple reportedly saved them from certain death when it scratched on their bedroom door in the middle of the night, awakening them to the thick smoke and rapidly spreading fire that was engulfing their home. It's just like a rabbit to play the hero in order to deflect any suspicion of arson. Bunnies are very clever that way.

Barack Obama's World Tour continues to fuel rave reviews after a grand public appearance in Germany, where the Berlin media compared him to a "rock star". If you recall the 1992 presidential race, Bill Clinton was the first politician to successfully nail this "rock star method" during his famous saxophone appearance on The Arsenio Hall Show. Clinton then advanced his popularity with JFK's patented "porn star method", and successfully nailed an intern. Obama now heads for blasé France, where President Nicholas "Nicholeon" Sarkozy will no doubt be quick to remind Obama that "Germans also love David Hasselhoff".

Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA) President Max Mosley won his court battle against The News Of The World tabloid yesterday. He sued them for invasion of privacy after they published photos and video of Mosley engaged in a S & M dungeon orgy with 5 prostitutes. Mosley, currently the governing head of FIA and Formula One racing, has been plagued with calls for his resignation ever since the scandal broke in March. What the hell is this world coming to? Where's the fun in being the überlord of world motorsport and a jet-setting playgeezer if you can't buy ya some whippin' bitches with all that cash money?

A New Zealand family court judge made headlines when he forced the legal renaming of a 9-year old girl named "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii". No word on the girl's new name, but the case did mention other names that have been blocked by NZ registration authorities, including "Fish and Chips", "Yeah Detroit!", "Keenan Got Lucy" and "Sex Fruit". Oddly enough, they were okay with the names "Number 16 Bus Shelter" and "Violence". The worst part: I'm not making this up.


pistols at dawn said...

Please don't ever do something more constructive with your time, unless it's do topless jumping jacks on your balcony.

Also, how dare you tell attractive female celebrities to put a top on? That's the worst idea since every single thing Himmler ever came up with.

Rob McCleary said...

If I had a kid I wanted their name to be "Galaxy Gramaphone Superstar Rocketship" (or just "superstar" for short).

Falwless said...

I just can't get over the "Number 16 Bus Shelter." I will cherish this news story as long as I live.

Tony Spunk said...

Miss Miller is no real lady. She's all bone and hugging her would be like hugging a xylophone only less charismatic.

Now you are a lovely lady. Come sit on uncle Tony's knee.

Dr Zibbs said...

Siena Miller. Nice.

Boldly Serving Up Wheat Grass said...

Siena Miller naked? I was searching Grant Miller Media all day for that, but couldn't find anything.

ginger b said...

I actually wasn't aware that Siena Miller even owned a top.

I guess you learn soemthing new every day. Huh.