Monday, September 22, 2008

The 'Stache is DEAD TO ME.

So get this: over the weekend, while you were playing in the sunshine with your children and puppies and kittens, I was unceremoniously booted off the contributor list on Burt Reynolds' Moustache.

The fact that I have never written a post or a comment on this blog is not the point here. And yes, it's true that I may have uttered horribly unkind things about the 'Stache in mixed company, but everyone knows that's just the hipster doofus in me, talkin' shit about the things I love most in order to appear much cooler than I actually am.

I demand a reasonable explanation for this surprise deportation, because I would argue that I am quite possibly the most important contributor to this blog, coming only second to Mr. Pistols At Dawn, editor-at-large. I designed the magnificent new Burt header, which is the first thing that every visitor sees and admires about this otherwise dull and lifeless piece of blogginess. It's worth mentioning that I did all this in exchange for the promise of sexual favours from Mr. At Dawn, which were withheld from me on a technicality: apparently this "Pistols At Dawn" fella is not a real person.

I was willing to live with this heinous act of perfidy in order to retain the immense prestige of being listed as a contributor to Burt Reynolds' Moustache. It was as if they had said to me: "You're not good enough to introduce to my parents, but it's cool if we sleep together so long as no one finds out about it." And believe it or not, I thought that was a pretty fair deal at the time. I didn't want any of my other blogs to know I was sleeping with them either.

But here I am, thrown aside almost immediately after using my mad creative skillz to orchestrate what might be the most radical rebranding of a blog that no one reads. It's enough of a tragedy that the 'Stache's editorial committee originally declined my phenomenal first version on the grounds of "moral decency":

[click to enlarge - it's cool, I know you wanna see "it"]
you are here





Fools! There is absolutely nothing moral or decent about Burt Reynolds! Or his Moustache, for that matter.

You are dead to me, 'Stacheholes.

12 comments:

Poobomber said...

Truth be told, I've forgotten all about the Stashe as of late.

It was a great idea, full of great bloggers whose entries I always neglected to read, but only because...no reason.

I think it's far cooler to be kicked out of the Stashe then to actually write for it, unless of course some day I'm asked to write for it.

katrocket said...

Poobomber: I'm not really upset with the fine folks at the "Stache. I just needed something to write about and... OKAY, I admit I just wanted you to think I'm cool.

Dr Zibbs said...

Let me just jump in here. I had Pistols at Dawn on my blogroll for ages and contributed all the time. Did I ever get on the blogroll or comments on my blog? Not that I recall. So I took the blogroll link off of TBY and moved on my way.

katrocket said...

Zibbs: So are you just saying "hey suffering sister, I'm a victim too", or are you telling me to shut up and get over it? Because I don't want to have to hate you too, Zibbs.

Poobomber said...

Kat, you didn't need to go through all of that for me to think you were cool. I quick roll in the hay would have sufficed.

Falwless said...

DEATH TO THE 'STACHE!!!!!!!!

Grant Miller said...

I would never want to contribute to a blog that would have someone like me as a contibutor.

SkylersDad said...

I am with you sistah!!

But only because you list me on your blogroll, and I am a whore like that...

pistols at dawn said...

I did think for a hot second, "Perhaps I should tell Kat," but then I thought, "She's not going to care. In fact, she's probably mad at me for forgetting to remove her for so many weeks, thus linking her with a site she loves mocking."

And then I acted with impunity, because that's how I do. And because sometimes your love scares me, baby - usually in the good way, but sometimes in the "I'm glad I can't afford pointy silverware" sort of way.

Still, ain't nobody cooler than you, baby, and as late 80s hip hop taught me, there ain't no future in frontin'. There is a damn fine blog post in it, though, so keep on keepin' on.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kat - saying the first thing.

BeckEye said...

Team blogs always seem like a good idea, but they never are. (RIP The Provocation Grounds.)

Jon said...

If it makes you feel better, you can guest contribute over at my blog anytime you want, Kat! And that's not a euphemism for sex either. Okay, it's not just a euphemism for sex.