Thursday, October 16, 2008

Did I just say that out loud?


convenience
Originally uploaded by Katrocket.

I'm waiting in a long line-up at my tiny neighbourhood convenience store. The store is packed, and the staff is changing shifts. The man at the front of the line is trying to open a video rental account and is arguing with Claude (pictured here). The man has no identification and no credit card, so Claude is refusing him an account. Those are the boss' rules, so he's just doing his job.

Everyone's impatient and frustrated. Not because Video dude is holding up the line, but because we're all forced to listen to the most obnoxious conversation between a young college gal and her boyfriend.

The woman has a loud nasal voice that's more piercing that Fran Drescher and Mary Hart put together. She's openly and emphatically complaining that her co-workers think she's stupid. She's ranting that she doesn't get enough respect in the office, and she's smarter than the rest of them so they really should listen to her. They're all jealous of her because she's beautiful and sexy and they are tired, fat, old hags. In each of her sentences, every third word is "like" and every fifth word is "fuckin'". Her boyfriend says nothing, he just nods and looks around. He appears embarrassed and seems to be looking for an escape route.

I think to myself: Perhaps they are jealous of your astounding vocabulary?

Everyone in the store turns and looks at me. A few people stifle their giggles. She stares at me open mouthed.

Oh shit - did I just say that out loud?

[If you just got deja vu, this story was originally published on Oct 20/06. I'm reposting it for That Blue Yak. Claude is now retired. That silly cunt in the store still lives in my building, and gives me the stinkeye everytime I run into her. I still have a big mouth.]

23 comments:

CoffeeDog said...

right on

Bill Pocock said...

ha!

jenne said...

Jeepers, I laughed right out loud!

lex said...

Priceless! You. Not her.

Birdy said...

Fuck yeah.

Chris said...

Wheee!

Dr Zibbs said...

Sweet.

SkylersDad said...

That's just damn fine work, a verbal bitch slap if you will...

Beth said...

You're my hero.

James said...

One question: Was she really beautiful?

Cuz, like, that would be fuckin cool. ;)

katrocket said...

zibbs: thanks.

skydad: Unintentional bitchslap, but I guess you're right.

beth: and you are the wind beneath my wings.

james: actually, she was very attractive (physically), but the personality I witnessed in those 5 minutes was quite fugly.

Gnugs said...

I hope you turned around looking for the culprit. Classic moment.

Dale said...

You remain as awesome now as you were then.

BeckEye said...

Yes!

I find myself saying things out loud ever since I started using the iPod. It's like I can't hear myself saying inappropriate shit when I have headphones on.

I wonder if that silly cunt was related to this girl my sister and I saw once in line at Auntie Anne's pretzels. This girl and her friend got to the front of the line, and of course they had to flirt with the cashier dude, then stand there like assholes doing that "gee I don't know what I want, isn't that hilarious" act. My sister exhaled loudly and said, "Let's go...today!" The one girl whipped around, gave my sis the Tori Spelling face and goes, "Could you be any more ignoranter?" My sister and I just started busting out laughing. We still use that one on each other. Not only is it funny because this was yet another example of someone trying to use "ignorant" in the wrong context and that "ignoranter" isn't even a word, but it was even more hilarious because she pronounced it "ignernner."

B Money said...

That is freaking classic. Sometimes you just have to let it slip!

The post script makes it even better. She lives in your building!? Priceless.

This one goes in what I call me "Small Fight of the Day" file.

Snooze said...

You are my hero.

Gwen said...

Smooth and impressive.

Leonesse said...

I heart you.

T said...

Un-subtly beautiful (again).

Dr Zibbs said...

Stinkeye. Good one.

ÄsK AliCë said...

Hahaha perfect

Fancy Schmancy said...

Too funny!

LegalMist said...

awesome