Grant's comedic writing is quite legendary on Blogger, but if you're not on Facebook, you're missing out on some of his best material. Mr. Miller's 'status update', a Twitter-ish feature that asks users "what are you doing right now?" is almost always the single most hilarious sentence I read all day.
Status Updates by Grant Miller
Grant would never write about himself in the third person.
Grant thinks you'd really like today's "Marmaduke".
Grant tries to impress you by talking in a deep voice.
Grant is grooming his poodle.
Grant sweats when he talks to you.
Grant believes all Craigslist personals are about him.
Grant feels like you don't even know him sometimes.
Grant is ripping the sleeves off his t-shirts to make more muscle shirts.
Grant is sitting outside your house, waiting for you to come out so he can accidentally bump into you.
Grant thinks your house looks very nice from the outside.
Grant is standing in front of the mirror, practicing what he wants to say to you.
Grant is carving your likeness out of Ivory soap.
Grant is thinking of you in an inappropriate way.
Grant is seeing how his name would look with your last name.
Grant is looking through bridal catalogs!!! Hint! Hint! Hint!
Grant is casually mentioning he's free this weekend, hoping you notice.
Grant is cutting eye holes in a restaurant menu so he can discreetly watch you while you eat.
Grant likes what you're wearing today. A lot. A lot lot.
Grant is writing in his journal about you again.
Grant is crossing out your name over and over and over again as tears fall down his cheeks.
Grant is cutting up old pictures of you while quietly weeping.
Grant wishes he hadn't cut up all those pictures of you.