Thursday, November 6, 2008

PMS confessions



-- I ate almost half a box of crackers while watching Coronation Street and bawled my eyes out because Vera died and I have no idea how Jack is going to manage without her.

-- I also cried during Obama's victory speech on Tuesday night because I saw Oprah and Jesse Jackson crying first. Jerks.

-- I was a total cunt to a woman in line at the grocery store. She saw me heading for the cashier and raced me for position. She beat me to the line-up, but almost crashed her cart into me. She had an entire cart full of a week's worth of family groceries - I had just FOUR items, plus I'm juggling everything in one arm because my knee is all busted up, and I'm on crutches. I found this unusually rude behaviour, and gave her a dirty look. She said, "Sorry, but I'm late to pick up the kids from daycare and I really need to get out of here pronto ... I'm sure you understand.". To which I said: "Oh, I understand. I understand that you think your time is more valuable than mine, and that you take advantage of disabled people to meet your own selfish needs." She started to argue with me, but I cut her off and snapped at her: "Just shut up and pay for your stuff, bitch."

22 comments:

Gwen said...

I applaud you. I want to be you. It was justifiable cuntiness.

Poobomber said...

Okay, that would be an awesome spectacle at the grocery store. Why don't I ever get to see things like that?

Never in the right place at the right time.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

That was superb, and - as Gwen says - justifiable.

But I have to say, I'm disappointed; after your comment yesterday I was starting to write a guest post for your blog based on my own PMS confessions. Gah, back to the drawing board.

Dr Zibbs said...

Did you really say that? Excellent.

SkylersDad said...

Perfect! Had I been there I would have bitch slapped her for you, cause I am always a gentleman.

SouthernBelle said...

Utterly justifiable. I'm assuming the only reason you didn't stab her in the eye was because you had your hands full with the crutches.

Also, good use of the C-word. I feel like I'm always getting in trouble for being a foul-mouthed Australian here in the US, but I can't imagine what they'd do if I used THAT word...

Is flipping the bird as offensive in Canada as it is here? Because in Australia it's so inoffensive you could almost do it in church, but here, as I recently found out, it's like you just told someone to go blow a goat.

The Guv'ner said...

This is why you are my hero. Well one of many reasons. The other is the old SNARBUCKS story which still makes me guffaw and splutter when I think about it.

Vera was a whiny old harpy but it was a toss up who was more annoying Vera or Jack.

Hold on...YOU WATCH CORONATION STREET?

So@24 said...

Oh no you diiiiiidnt

katrocket said...

gwen: I appreciate your support - also, I would have appreciated your company at that moment, because I know you would have punched her for me if I asked.

Poob: because people in the Peg are nice and people in Toronto are generally not. Just ask Dale - our high population of Korean Bagel Ladies is to blame.

Imaginary Reviewer: don't be discouraged! "PMS confessions" is a regular feature, but people seem to like it, and sadly, I'm limited to one post a month, so bring it on!

Zibbs: I don't blame you for being suspicious, since I've lied to you before, but it's true. I can't seem to hold back when people piss me off in public.

Skydad: Fantastic! I'd like to induct you and Gwen into my "supermarket posse".

southernbelle - well, that's because you're in the South, honey. They're uptight about pretty much everything, except their diets. The C word and giving people the finger is quite tame in all the Commonwealth countries, isn't it? I think it's a law or something.

Guvner: I do watch Corrie! Not religiously, but it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling and reminds me of my mum (we always watched it together when I was a teen). I hope we can still be friends.

SO@24 - OH YES I DII'IID! (hahaha you're adorable!)

So@24 said...

KatRocket cries?

Like what? Engine fuel?

theideaofprogress said...

Are all Canadians so full of rage?

Snooze said...

Vera died? What? Omg, I miss a few weeks and ... sigh. Last time I missed a week Fred died.

pistols at dawn said...

I don't know what those first two things are, but I do love an angry woman who isn't angry at me.

Gwen said...

Oh, you know I would've!

Actually, I'd have probably grabbed one of your crutches - all the better to beat her with - and then you'd have fallen over and gotten hurt and I'd have felt all bad and cried and then where we would be?

I guess it's better that I wasn't there because I wouldn't want to hurt you, baby, not ever.

deadspot said...

I think I love you.

Grant Miller said...

Oprah and Jesse Jackson cried only because they couldn't get backstage.

katrocket said...

SO@24 - I do cry sometimes (mostly for hormonal reasons), but it's more like 10W40 than rocket fuel.

the idea of progress - nah, most Canadians are very polite. I blame my hot temper on my formative years spent in Texas and France.

snooze: Sadly, yes - Vera is gone after an astounding 34 years on the show. Apparently Liz dawn (the actress who plays her) has chronic emphysema and retired from the show to focus on her health.

pistols: I live to turn you on, baby.

gwen: You're kick-assedness only makes me stronger!

deadspot: *blush* I'm going to your blog right now so I can love you right back.

Grant Miller: I wish I had known that at the time, but you didn't mention it in your live blogging post, so I was tricked.

Dale said...

I cried but only because I wasn't there. At the grocery store.

Chris said...

I wish more people would proactively stamp out rudeness. I'm happy I (cyber)know you.

This sounds really crude, but speaking of crutches... A woman I know well was once getting beaten by her crippled step-father (this was years ago when she was a teen). The guy was whacking her over the head with his crutch because she'd forgotten to let the dog out or had spilled his drink or something -- it was a minor offense. After taking the abuse for a few minutes she grabbed the crutch out of his hands and started beating HIM with it. It may well have be the only instance I've ever heard of where beating a cripple with his own crutch was warranted...

SouthernBelle's "Go blow a goat?" I gotta remember that!

What's Coronation Street?

BeckEye said...

I wish I had been in line behind you. I would've started the slow clap and then probably kissed you. Then you probably would've shoved your crutch up my ass, and I would've loved it.

mrsleep said...

A visitor from Chris's blog.....

I give her props for at least acknowledging the fact she cut you off. The average A-hole in a store is oblivious to the fact that they cut you off.

You didn't say though whether or not her tits were angry though.

Leonesse said...

UFC fight with you in the grocery store? I would pay to see that.