Wednesday, February 25, 2009

(exceptionally) Big Love

From: Daniel Craig (dannytightbuns@yahoo.co.uk)
To: katrocket@rogers.com
Sent: Wednesday, February 18, 2009 2:28:33 PM
Subject: Alright darlin'?

wotcha kat,

its your lover boy toy daniel here keeping it real on the english side of the pond. i've been thinking about you a lot. my knob's been chafed and sore with all the thinking i've been doing. i'm aktualy busy on a new film at the mo which is garanteed to get me one of them oscar things everybody raves about. cuz i'm a serious actor you know. in the film I play dorothy, who's a big, oinky fat chick, like REALLY fat wiv a little head on top of a mountain of wobbly flesh like jabba and she gets sick of being laughed at and becomes the worlds first big porker-sized superhero innit. She like does great stuff like bring Big Macs to fat people who can't get out of bed without a forklift and help them lift there folds so they can wipe there tiddlers innit. i have to wear a fat suit of course as i'm just rippling with the muscles and ligatures and stuff in real life and way too fit to be a fat chick. i ain't got no pussy neither! so yeh that suit is hot as fak but you can totally have a boner in that suit and nobody even knows. i kept a bottle of liquor in there too aktualy. even when i was a fat chick i thought about you Kat. in fact that's when i found out about the boner thing. enclosed is a promo photo of me in character in case fat chicks are wot does it for you.

still hard for you
daniel x0x0
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From: Kat Rocket (katrocket@rogers.com)
To: Daniel Craig (dannytightbuns@yahoo.co.uk)
Sent: Wednesday, February 25, 2009 7:57:02 AM
Subject: More to Love, Darling

Well loverboy, you're no John Travolta - in the sense that I'm not sufficiently turned off to the point where I will no longer watch your films. BeckEye will most certainly hurt me for saying that, but thankfully for me, she's far away. And as you know, I have always applauded any suit that allows the concealment of both alcohol and boners, regardless of how utterly unstylish that suit may be. That's how I fell in love with the Snuggie, after all.

I really look forward to seeing you in this challenging new role, and I hope it brings you closer to your Oscar dream (not that one about you and Jack Klugman playing in the bouncy castle - I'm referring to the one where you win an Oscar award.)

Chunk it up, baby!

Much love from Kat
xo

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Everything you wanted to know about Canada (but were afraid to ask)

for James: A clip from The Rick Mercer Report, which is kind of like a Canadian version of Jon Stewart's The Daily Show: