Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Bond is back, and he's being a pussy

It's been a while since I've posted any e-mails from Fake Daniel Craig - my fabulous British cyberstalker. But that doesn't mean the e-mails aren't still rolling in. If you're just joining us, I started receiving these mysterious "Letters from Bond" (and an occasional e-mail from Jesus) about six weeks ago. I am not writing these e-mails, and I still have no idea who this hilarious person is. I repost them here, unedited for your reading pleasure, so "Mail Bonding" has since become a semi-regular feature on Rocketradio...

From: Daniel Craig (dannytightbuns@yahoo.co.uk)
To: katrocket@rogers.com
Sent: Thursday, March 19, 2009 2:20:20 AM
Subject: The Latest
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Wotcha Kat:

How are ya babe? Sorry it's been so bloody long, I've been all suave in the souf of France practicing for me Bond business ain't I? I hope you been thinking of me like I ave you. To prove my thoughts are always about you here's a photo of me dressed like a big old hairy fanny:


That's fanny like us Brits say it not fanny like you poncey north americans mean. A fanny ain't an ARSE or nothing it's a FANNY. A woopsie. A vajeen. Anyway that's me dressed as a vajeen for your pleashure. That's a chick next to me who woz totally trying to get wiv me but I cut her out the photo cuz she smelt like cabbage. Some fella approached me when I wuz wearing the big old vajeen costume and wanted me to be in a film called Clitty Clitty Bang Bang but I told 'im I woz intrested but couldn't do it guv, because like I'm doing Bond and all. OK that's it for now babe stay kewl and stay sexy and can I 'ave a picture of your bum? Or your fanny I ain't fussy.

Daniel XOXO

15 comments:

Soda and Candy said...

hahaha, wonderful.

Fanny means the same in Australia as it does in England.

Made for interesting viewing of The Nanny, who, according to the opening credits, was thrown out on her... mmhmm.

Phronk said...

This guy is awesome. He should have his own blog.

Educational too! I had no idea that fanny could mean vajeen. I even looked it up, and here is what Wikipedia says (seriously):

fanny (plural fannies)

1. (UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, vulgar) The female genitalia.

Her dress was so short you could nearly see her fanny

Get your fanny out of my face you minger!

Your fanny tastes like fish and chips.

Don't talk to me til your fanny stops bleeding.

SkylersDad said...

This is wonderful as usual, and I also want to thank Phronk for the great comment included proper usage phrases. I am now ready to stroll down to the pub...

WendyB said...

Clitty Clitty Bang Bang is a great movie with a tremendous climax!

BeckEye said...

Dammit. Some British dude asked if he could "stick it in my fanny," and I told him no. Had I known he didn't mean my ass, I totally would've gone home with him.

Stupid language barriers.

Mr London Street said...

Daniel Craig sounds like a bit of a chav. Who knew? What next - Roger Moore sending you a fax offering to take you up the wrong 'un?

James said...

That vagina is unusually furry. I thought that was out of style or something...

Lulu LaBonne said...

I love the furry fanny - and good to know that Dan is still happy to make a twat of himself.

I hear he can get women pregnant just by looking at them - careful girl!

Snooze said...

Are you going to be the next Bond girl? that would be awesome.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Daniel Craig looks quite fetching as a fanny, eh?

I'll bet he's getting "Pussy Galore" in that get up!!

Gwen said...

If all vajeens came with Daniel's face in the place of the clitoris guys might actually be able to find it.

pistols at dawn said...

I'm really thankful for "fanny" meaning different things, because apparently, despite what pornography would have me believe, some women aren't instantly super excited when you ask if they want it in the fanny.

Dr Zibbs said...

When did this blog go all Bond?

And hope yuour job is going well. I miss you comments on my kickass blog.

theideaofprogress said...

Where the hell have I been? Who is this guy? Why does he write in dialect? So confusing.

Eric said...

Hmmm... looks like the costume is strangely muppet related... Yikes