Thursday, June 11, 2009

buy an angel

Last night I was waiting for the King streetcar right in the heart of the theatre district after all the shows were let out. It was a nice evening, so the streets were packed with theatre-goers, club kids and senior bus tour groups.

A homeless man was sitting on the sidewalk about 6 feet away from the transit stop, selling little angel figurines he had carved from soap bars. He had about 15 of them neatly displayed on top of a large box, with a makeshift sign that said "ANGELS $5 EACH", and he continuously chanted his sales pitch like a meditation mantra: "Buy an angel? Buy an angel? Buy an angel?"

It made me pray that someone would buy an angel just to shut him up. That was when three young women barely dressed in their skanky, shiny clubbing outfits approached the homeless man, and I thought perhaps the soap angels had answered my prayer.

CLUB SLUT #1: OH MY GOD! These are sooooo cute!

HOMELESS GUY: Buy an angel?

CLUB SLUT #2: Did you make these yourself?

HOMELESS GUY: Yes I did, miss. Buy an angel? Only 5 dollars. Hand carved!

CLUB SLUT #1: [Picks up a figurine to examine it closer, then makes the "eeeew!" face] Eeeeeew! What's that smell?! Smell it! [shoves angel in her friend's face]

CLUB SLUT #3: Eeeeew! It smells like soap or something!

HOMELESS GUY: I carve them from a bar of soap. Ivory soap. Very pure.

CLUB SLUT # 1: Do you have any angels that don't smell like soap?

Sadly, the homeless man did NOT have any soap angels that did not smell like soap, so he lost the sale. The three skanks continued down the street, laughing loudly, while the homeless man gave them the finger and continued his chanting without missing a beat. "Buy an angel?"

I didn't want to buy an angel out of pity, but the look of shame and disappointment on the man's face when those girls walked away was heartbreaking. So I gave the guy ten dollars and told him he could keep his 2 angels and sell them to someone else to make more money. He blessed me a whole lot, called ME an angel, and firmly insisted that I take a figurine with me.

It's now sitting on my desk beside my monitor. And my whole fucking apartment smells like Ivory soap.

22 comments:

Eric said...

Skanky club sluts seem to be getting less smart these days...
Nice of you to buy the soapngel.

sas said...

will you have to like, use it?
or can you give it to someone in a early christmas basket or something?

God said...

He could have at least used Dove.

Mr London Street said...

I like this story a lot. There isn't enough compassion in circumstances like this (says me, who bitches about everyone all the time).

Cora said...

A homeless man with soap, you say? Am I going to hell because I think that's funny?

Some Guy said...

I never knew the smell of soap was so repulsive.

By the way, you did a nice thing.

Bill Stankus said...

Definitely the guy was doing micro business... With customers like you practicing good karma his situation should improve.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Well that was a lovely gesture. I guess my own cowdung angel-selling business was a bad idea.

Incidentally, my word ver is "reame", which is making me laugh and laugh laugh.

the girl with the pink teacup said...

The positive in this situation? The angel was made from soap. The negative? The angel was made from soap. Bloody catch-22! The important thing is that you are a darling of a person. And that the angel wasn't made from any bodily secretions.

xo

SkylersDad said...

Careful now, you are going to give away the fact that your heart is 3 sizes too big, kind of the opposite of the Grinch.

Soda and Candy said...

Awww. You are much nicer than me.

mylittlebecky said...

aaww, look at you! all inspiring hope in humanity.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

That's such a cute story. Sort of like a Christmas fable or something. Of course, smelling like Ivory soap doesn't smell too bad. It's not like he'd carved them out of a TURD. That might be less pleasant.

I think that guy's an artist. He wanted you to appreciate his art as well as feed him. :)

I'd kind of like a soap angel. Nice man.

WendyB said...

I once bought a soap carving. I forgot all about that till this reminded me.

BeckEye said...

I hope something good happens to you now, otherwise I'm going to lose all my faith in miniature soap carvings.

Bluzlover said...

It's surprising the club sluts could smell the soap over the outrageous amount of musk they wear. There is a man in Rochester, MN who does goose poop art, seriously. He has quite a business. I wonder if it smells like soap.

Gwen said...

I know what I want for my birthday.

(I love you for what you did.)

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

nice one kat. not to toot my own horn (yeah right) but I've done the same thing for homeless guys. not for a while though.

katrocket said...

Thanks to everyone for your very kind comments... I just wanted to say that this post wasn't intended to make me look like a street saviour. I'm actually far from it most of the time.

It was just a very human moment that felt a bit like a poignant short film to me. It simply reminded me that artists do come from all walks of life, and it doesn't take a whole lot of effort to show your appreciation for their work.

Soda and Candy said...

It was a great little tableau. But I could write dozens of these stories that end with me hurrying off away from the hobo concerned, and I'm pretty sure not one that involves me actually helping them out. Not since I moved out of home and learned the value of a dollar (which btw is "not fucking enough") anyway.

So feel good!

Lana said...

i know exactly how you feel. i always get suckered by the kids selling random dry goods outside my supermarket and have a cabinet full of nuts and ginger snaps that i never plan on eating.

Phronk said...

This is both cute and heartwarming and kinda hilarious.

It should be a short film.

Maybe he'd have better luck with Axe brand soap. According to the commercials, skanks love it.