Wednesday, June 17, 2009

cougar alert

So I was watching the CBC evening news and I can't believe Wendy Mesley kept a straight face when she read this headline:

Cougars are on the prowl and attacking a small BC community!

The word "cougar" no longer makes me think of big wild cats who can seriously harm and/or kill humans. It now conjures up 40-something cleavage and pitchers of margaritas, so of course I was thinking: Wow. The young men of British Columbia are gettin' lucky tonight!

I laughed at the headline, but it wasn't funny news at all. A little girl was picking berries with her mom in the woods near her house, and surprise! ... she comes face to face with a cougar. Her mom fights off the cat, and her kid escapes with some cuts and bruises.

So it's a happy ending!

No, not that kind of happy ending.

Especially not for the poor cougar, and the cougar's buddies, who were tracked and shot dead by conservation officers, which is irony, not slang. The officers weren't conserving wildlife, they were destroying it in order to conserve urban sprawl.

This was supposed to be a post about the downside of slanguage, so I'm not gonna get into how pissed off I am at people who build their homes where wildlife lives and then go apeshit when the wildlife keeps showing up in their backyards. Suck it up and put on a bear suit, people, because the cougars want you off their lawn.

(No, not this kind of bear suit.)


Soda and Candy said...

Ugh, it's the same shit in Australia whenever someone gets killed by a shark (which btw is about once a year) - everyone wants to go on shark-killing sprees, and I'm like, well how about we stay out of his damn ocean? Killing and eating tender, weak, fleshy creatures is kind of the shark's thing, y'know? He's not doing it to be a bastard, he's doing it because you were there and he was hungry.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Haha, you funnee!

It amazes me also when people get all shocked to shit when things like this occur. Like they expected now that they'd moved in, the wildlife had packed up and moved out. Pah.

Hmmm margaritas. If that's the case bring cougardom on.

SkylersDad said...

Happens here in Colorado a lot too. People keep building out into their turf, and wonder why someone didn't just get rid of those pesky big cats a long time ago.

Cora said...

We get it here too with bears. Hell, there was a bear roaming near my daughter's school last summer. People lost their minds. But, really, where else are the bears supposed to go?

On the cougar note, your blog has the right idea: my word verification is "holike" Ho like!! Yeah, that's a cougar alright!


Eric said...

It has indeed reached epic proportions

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

yeah, stupid people. Next they'll be building next to an airport and want to get rid of all the planes. Idiots.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You may be the toughest kid on the block but you won't win a fight with a cougar.

Mr London Street said...

I would like to see a spot of cougar vs. cougar on YouTube. It must be possible to stun a big cat if your shoulderpads are substantial enough.

Lulu LaBonne said...

I know a film maker living up in wolf country - he keeps his garden supplied with small dogs - the wolves eat them instead of his children

Lana said...

we get that a lot around here with bears. but that furry man bear suit might be scarier than the real thing.

Gwen said...

"40 something cleavage and picthers of margaritas"

Dammit. I resemble that remark.

BeckEye said...

Not to pimp myself on your blog, but we're almost on the same wavelength today but in completely different ways.

I feel like a cougar because I went to see Tinted Windows last night and couldn't stop drooling over Taylor Hanson, who grew up very nicely.

And I wrote a little tidbit about THAT kind of happy ending.

Unfortunately, those two things aren't tied together in anyway.

Bluzlover said...

Do they call a voracious 40-something female a cougar because she preys on young "meat", or because she's a big

Rob McCleary said...

The place where the attack happened (Squamish) is only about forty minutes by car outside of Vancouver. The problem is that there really isn't anyplace in BC to live where you don't rub shoulders with bears and cougars. It would be like having bear and cougar attacks every spring in the Beaches or Etobicoke. I was awoken at three in the morning last year by a pair of coyotes eating a neighbor's cat, and regularly see bald eagles circling overhead while drinking my morning coffee.
My nephews and nieces, who live next to a small provincial park about a half hour outside of Victoria, always use the buddy system outside because of cougars. We're at the ass-end of the universe out here!

I saw that news report last night too and had to laugh - it's still pretty rough out here - every spring/summer we can count on the same things happening: coyotes eating cats, cougars (thankfully usually without sucess) attacking kids, and American tourists getting lost and dying while wandering off the North Shore trails (again, about half an hour from "downtown").

So keep your eyes peeled for the CBC report on the lost tourists. I can guarantee you at least one.

mylittlebecky said...

yes, yes and yes! when i was a wee child we were visiting grandparents in montana and somebody got killed/eaten by a bear. i waited until dinner and announced that if that were to happen to me, they were, under no circumstances, to kill the bear (same goes for sharks). and dolphins.

katrocket said...

soda & candy: I love sharks! Especially when they are acting all bad-ass.

Veg-ass and Gwennie: Your know what's funny? When I typed the word "margaritas" in that post, I was thinking of you two ladies. Congratulations! Your personalities have finally been fused in my brain with an alcoholic beverage!

Skydad: Yes, I suppose you would hear a lot more about this sort of thing in Colorado. If I ever visit your state, don't be surprised if I ask you to chauffer me around in a Popemobile.

Eric; I love that commercial! The bear roundhouse is awesome!

Cora: There was a similar bear incident here in a Toronto suburb 2 weeks ago. This proves my theory that bears love children, both with and without the presence of porridge.

tennyson: I always thought living near an airport was a lifestyle choice.

Cal: You're right. Last time I fought a cougar, she pulled my hair and it really hurt.

Mr. London Street: haha! If you film it, they will come.

Lulu: I've heard that keeping lapdogs in your garden is also a good way to attract socialites.

Lana: Even real bears are afraid of that bear suit.

Beckeye: You and I are often on the same bloglength! Maybe because we're both 80s lovin' cougars? Maybe we're dopplegangers? I like to think it's because we're both so fucking awesome.

Bluzlover: I have no idea how the "cougar" word evolved into slanguage - I suspect it's derived from "maneater" and it's a lot cooler sounding than "killer whale".

Rob: I do understand that many cities border on wilderness, and it's a common problem in these areas, I guess I'm taking issue with the way it's sensationalized in the media - as if it's all the fault of the critters, when it's most certainly NOT. As you said, residents of these areas need to use caution and adapt to their environment. I just wish they could do that without the use of high powered rifles.

mylittlebecky: Right on! But do you think they would have honored your wishes? Or do you think they would have amassed a torch-bearing mob and chased the bear down with pitchforks?

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Heh, Future Mrs Imaginary Reviewer spent the weekend up at her parents' cottage in Quebec this weekend while I was in England, and there were several bear sightings on their street. Scary stuff indeed, but that's the price you pay for 'getting away from it all'.

Bill Pocock said...

I've just moved into the woods and bears are my main concern.

Though moose are best steered clear of.

Then there's the rattlers....

But, seeing as it's a jungle and all, it's best to have a good gun handy. I'll deal with the remorse later over drinkies.

Splinkster said...

re looking for organic garden help try safer sop spray or else hot pepper spray, actualy you can make your own up using hot peppers boiled in water strain then use a bit of dish soap and spray or you can also look for Neem oil