Monday, July 6, 2009

PMS confessions

-- I purchased some ice cream specifically for my visiting niece and nephew, ate it all myself before they could get through customs, then blamed Air France and British Airways for failing to provide speedy transAtlantic Concorde flights to sad little French children who were promised ice cream.

-- A young tourist couple stopped me and asked if I would take a photo of them with their own camera while they groped each other in front of our most famous landmark. I have always dreamed that this situation would some day present itself so I could bolt away with a fabulous new camera, but it was a shitty camera, so while they were grinning like idiots, I zoomed right in on the guy's crotch and snapped a pic of his cock.

-- Upon receiving extremely unsatisfactory customer service from a surly local shopkeepstress, I may have accidentally said to her "Thanks for nothing, you fucking cunt", when I really meant to say "Thanks for your time and have a nice day, you fucking cunt."

15 comments:

the girl with the pink teacup said...

You should've titled this post: "Three Ways to Have Fun With PMS". Makes it sound like a good time... Almost. Although I'm deeply shocked that there were no tears, and no throwing of small and highly breakable objects at loved ones for saying horrible things like "hello".

Respect to you for the cock photography solution. Somehow I think that guy would still have been happy with that shot.

SkylersDad said...

Way back when I worked field service at a computer company, we were dispatched out of Houston. The 3 women who were on the phones mailed us a camera, asking us to take pictures of ourselves so they knew who they were talking to. We took a couple of group portraits, and then took a shot of all of us bent over mooning them.

When we sobered up, we thought we would all be fired, but it turns out they had a great time trying to match the face with the ass.

Soda and Candy said...

Hahahahaha, I heart you Katrocket. I wish I had the cojones to call people cunts (outside of my own head) when I think that's what they're being.

It's all right, they're French children, so as long as you had a nice bottle of red I'm sure they were fine.

Cora said...

Ha ha ha ~ the cocky camera slays me!! Think what they must have said when they saw it. Hee hee hee....

mylittlebecky said...

this is the best thing ever. the bar is set high for my next period. *tips hat*

miss. chief said...

you're great!

Mr London Street said...

Being a man means that, if you want, you can be this stroppy all the time for no discernible reason. And we surreptitiously take photos of tits all the time.

Damn it, I'll be giving away the secret handshake next.

WendyB said...

I once bounded out of my apartment, directly to the sidewalk and hailed a passing cab. I didn't see a woman a few yards further up the street who was also hailing a cab. She started mouthing off to me and once I realized she was there, I said, "Go ahead, take the cab." She starts to get in the cab without saying anything to me, so I politely screamed, "YOU'RE WELCOME, YOU FAT FUCKING CUNT!"

Manners are very important to me.

Gwen said...

You almost make me miss having a period. Almost, but not fucking quite.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Bwahahahaha! I freakin love you Kat...

Eric said...

My favorite c-word exclamation from Anna Russel of Scotland: 'Bollicking c-buckets!'

BeckEye said...

So glad to see you back, you cunt.

katrocket said...

pink teacup girl: It was a very artistic photo of his cock, so I'm sure it will be framed on his bedroom wall eventually.

skydad: HILARIOUS! You guys are so cheeky! har har

soda & candy: And I wish I had the manners to STOP calling people cunts outside of my own head. The grass is always greener...

cora: What I hope he said: "Yeah! This is gonna be my new Facebook profile pic!"

mylittlebecky: Thanks, but remember -- OWN your period, girl. Be creative. Don't let any other bitches step on your flow.

miss.chief: Wow thanks! So are you!

mr. london street: I have taken more than a few zoom-tit photos myself. But that was a German tourist at the zoo, and this story was only about the CN Tower.

WendyB: hahaha! You New Yorkers really know how it's done. I heart you BIG TIME!

Gwen: The important thing is that you still look young and vibrant enough to have your period, so no one will suspect a thing if you ever feel like lashing out in public. All the game with none of the pain!

Candy: You da bomb! (Can I still say that? Too "urban"?)

Eric: Ooooh that's a good one - I'll add it to my repetoire!

BeckEye: I've missed the hell out of you too, bitch.

sas said...

i think i'm a little bit in love with you

Organic Meatbag said...

I would have stuck the camera down MY pants and taken the picture!