Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World

It's a slow news week in the life of Katrocket, so I'd like to share this possibly real / totally hilarious pet rescue website with you.

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

Be sure to check out their FAQs page. It's Atheist gold.

see also: JesusPets.com


Eric said...

But how do we know they won't *eat* the pets or have their evil way them when everyone is gone?

'Honest officer, I was just helping this sheep over the fence.'

Some Guy said...

That is freaking genius!

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

That's a pretty good service. 18 to 24 hours after the rapture? If all the batshit crazy Christians disappeared I'd be too busy partying to think about their animals.

Cooper Green said...

Sure beats putting one of those 'Atheists Wanted' posters on the church bulletin board, with tear-off phone strips at the bottom.

Lulu LaBonne said...

I loved that, and am planning to send them all my money to save the bees in my garden when the Rapture comes for me.

But first I will send you an image to put on my beaver (hope I'm not too late)

Soda and Candy said...

Heh, awesome. Will they save the raccoons?

SkylersDad said...

"What if one of my family members is left behind?"

That is classic. We all know that weird uncle Ernie isn't getting invited to heaven. Not with that extensive porn collection.

WendyB said...


Candy's daily Dandy said...

lol at Skyler's dad!!!

What the??
Was Jesus a dog or a cat person???

Snooze said...

My cats are being thrown onto my funeral pyre.

BeckEye said...

Excuse me, but I was led to believe that all dogs go to heaven. What's this bullshit??

Gwen said...

I would totally give subscriptions as Christmas gifts this year but I am certain that no one I know is going to heaven when The Rapture happens.

mylittlebecky said...

thank you for this. people are weird.

Chris said...

That made me happy and I don't know why.

James said...

SkylersDad beat me to the porn joke!!!!!!! Embarrassing....

James said...

I tried to do something similar with people's porn collections. You get raptured, I get your porn. It was not a successful venture.

katrocket said...

Eric: I don't see any fine print that guarantees the athiests WON'T eat or fuck your pets. Buyer beware, I guess.

Some Guy: I know - I wish I'd thought of this myself.

Imaginary Reviewer: Perhaps they only employ non-alcholic atheists?

Cooper Green: The last time I posted an ad on a church bulletin board, some punk drew a cock and balls all over it.

Lulu: It's never too late for beaver!

Soda & Candy: The raccoons are clearly on their own, but they are survivors, so I fully expect they'll be running things after the Rapture.

Skyler's dad: It's not on the FAQ page, but I just assumed the atheists would also be caring for everyone's porn collections. I mean, gotta have something to do while sleeping dogs lie.

WendyB: I volunteer to take care of Henry personally!

Candy: From the photos I've seen, I think Jesus was really into lamb.

Snooze: Meowch!

BeckEye: I suppose some dogs will go to heaven - the ones that are trapped in their owners' purses.

Gwen: Same with me - I'm sending all my friends Eternal EarthBound job applications.

mylittlebecky: You're welcome. If it weren't for weird people, I'd have nothing to post.

Chris: Really? It's probably the illustration of the cosmic pet rainbow bridge. Gets me everytime.

James: Don't be embarrassed - your joke was a lot less creepy than Skydad's joke.