International Cussin' 101

I swear too much. There was a time when I had control over my potty mouth in professional situations, but now that I'm self-employed and I don't have any uptight co-workers to worry about, my colourful vocabulary sometimes creeps into a business conversation before my brain even realizes it's happened.

Catherinette Singleton has recently gone on a cussing diet, and her success story has inspired me to do the same. But I couldn't go cold turkey. I needed a placebo, and there's no skin patch for swearing cessation, so I tried the Homer Simpson Swear Jar approach.

Last week, I put a dollar into a jar everytime I said a bad word. But then I used that $186 to restock my liquor cabinet, which only helped me to see the awesome benefits of bad language, and encouraged me to cuss a lot more than usual.

But this week, I've stumbled upon a cleaner route to a sharper tongue: swearing in foreign languages. Twenty years of international travel, angry foreign lovers, and a multicultural posse have armed me with a vast vocabulary of highly offensive words in over 15 different languages. It's hard for folks to get offended about things they don't understand (the Christian Right exempted). Therefore, calling someone a "pizza" to their face sounds a lot more civil than calling them a cunt. And yet my brain is still able to register that same sweet feeling of satisfaction.

Normally I would offer a comprehensive list of exceptionally vulgar expletives and insults for the home and workplace right here on Rocketradio, but it's very powerful stuff and children might be reading (they come here for the porn). If you're interested in taking a free course, sign up in the comment section and I'll post a lesson if there's enough interest.