I'd totally be there, but I have a lame excuse

I have a lot of fabulous, artsy friends. I love them to pieces, but sometimes it's a real challenge to enjoy and support their "creative projects". I get several Facebook invitations each month for weeknight bar gigs, art openings, drag queen pageants, plays and poetry readings, and I'm more than a little ashamed to admit that I usually hit the "Ignore this Invite" button.

And that is why this little bit of funny I found on Failbook made me laugh so fucking hard:

T.G.I.Fun

Happy Friday everyone! I'm back at work today, although my head and sinuses are not pleased with that decision. 

I got some great news from my tech guy - he has managed to rescue the data from my old computer! Yes, I do know that I'm a complete idiot for not backing-up my hard drive... or more accurately, not keeping my back-up UPDATED, but I'm thrilled that I'll be getting my photos and music back! That means I'll be firing up the FOTOROCKET in the near future, where I'll be sharing my best photographs from my Year of Living Bloglessly. The down side is that I have to give up my new laptop for the weekend in order to do a data transfer, so no posts until Monday, folks. 

So I'll leave you with a link to a delightful blog called street art utopia - featuring amazing urban environmental artworks from around the world. May your weekend be inspired!

by Pavel Puhov - http://www.183art.ru/

artist unknown

artist unknown

by Sandrine Estrade Boulet - http://www.sandrine-estrade-boulet.com

Blackout Fever

Rocketradio was blacked out yesterday to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA).  In related news, Katrocket has been blacked out on her sofa all week with cough congestion due to cold or flu. 

If you've been blogging from a pineapple under the sea and would like to learn more about the potential fuckification of the innerwebz, our good friend the Vegetable Assassin has written an excellent post on the subject. If you're a Canadian who's wondering how this proposed US legislation could affect you, check out this CBC article on the equally frightening Bill C-11, the Copyright Modernization Act.

But for now, let's just take a moment to celebrate the spirit of a free internet by stealing sharing someone's "intellectual property".

Hello! Is it me you're looking for?

It seems that when I announced my imminent return to Blogland, my trusty desktop computer may have been suffering from Danny Glover Syndrome: it was "too old for this shit".

I regret to inform you that my beloved HP Pavillion desktop died of natural causes last week, taking with it all of my fondest memories -- photos, music, work projects, recipes and porn. So while it lay in state at the computer repair shop, I didn't even wait for the old power supply to go cold. Yeah, I'm heartless that way.  I picked out a shiny new 17" HP Pavillion laptop that makes me go "squeee!", and the computer doctor thinks he can rescue my data and transfer it to the new laptop sometime this week.

So it's awesome that I'm finally free of the wires and cables that once tied me down, but I wish I was free to write a decent post for you today. In the meantime, please enjoy this big screen mashup:

Hello from ant1mat3rie on Vimeo.

I don't remember there being this many cats a year ago

OK - Imma be right with you, but I've got a little refresher reading to do first.

Happy Christmas Wishes!

Seasonal Salutations, my friends!
Celebrate Brian in your own special way, and I'll catch up with in 2012.

xo Kat Rocket

This is your Rocket speaking

Hello there ...

After a series of incidents and over a full year away, I was given the keys to the old pad last night and I have officially moved back in.

It's going to take some time to clean up and repaint the place, but while you're waiting, I've restored the entire archive from Rocketradio for your reading enjoyment -- or boredom, depending on how long you've been following me.

I'm travelling for the next few days, but I'll be back next week with new posts, so please add this address back to your blogroll and hang onto your fucking hats.

xo Kat

éste es para los españoles

Welcome to Toronto. Please watch your step.

I accidentally got on the wrong streetcar yesterday because I wasn't really paying attention. A minor detour took me a few blocks further south than I wanted to go, but it also gave me this story to post.

A young couple with a tiny baby got on the streetcar in front of the Art Gallery, with a tourist map in hand and looking totally confused. The Husband approached the streetcar driver for directions and was quickly waved away with a brisk grunt, so when they seated themselves in front of me, I asked them if they needed any help.

They happily accepted my offer, so the Husband and I mapped out their route, and he confessed that this was his first visit to Toronto, and remarked that everyone was "much friendlier than in New York". I asked if he was from New York. He was from South Carolina, but the Wife hailed from Utica, NY, and came here often to visit her sister.

They told me how much they loved Toronto, how friendly and helpful our people have been, and how our city was so clean and beautiful. I felt really proud of my city at that moment, even though it smelled like shit. Literally. There was an intense sewage stench in the air and I assumed we had stopped next to a sewer grate, or maybe it was the evildoing of their small infant...

But being the awesome urban ambassador that I am, I pressed on and answered their questions about where to dine, where to find good fashion bargains, and general places of interest. Their enthusiasm was infectious, and by the time we arrived at my stop and I bid them farewell, I was thinking there's no place else in the world I'd want to live. I complain about this place sometimes, and all the jerks I have to share it with, but when you evaluate your surroundings through a stranger's eyes, it can remind you about all the amazing things you should be grateful for.

That's when I discovered the source of the nauseating stench that had plagued our commute. Right next to the exit door, someone had taken a HUGE DUMP on the streetcar floor. A huge HUMAN dump. And the culprit, a smelly and senile old man with a cane, was trying to kick his crap under a seat while everyone around him hissed insults and called up to the driver for assistance.

I felt really bad for the guy because he didn't seem to know what was going on, but there was no way in hell I was gonna stick around. I'd done my good deed for the day, so Mr. Stinky was on his own. I hopped over the pile of dung and headed for the subway, with my contempt for fellow Torontonians fully reinstated.

stick THAT in your box

It's no small wonder why I get myself fired occasionally. I have a lot of trouble keeping my smartass opinions to myself. Yesterday's example:

BOSS: "I think what we need here is some out-of-the-box thinking. Do you have any ideas?"

ME: "Yes! First of all, you need to stop using lame clichés about thinking outside of boxes when you're asking for innovation and originality from your staff."

The next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World

It's a slow news week in the life of Katrocket, so I'd like to share this possibly real / totally hilarious pet rescue website with you.

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

Be sure to check out their FAQs page. It's Atheist gold.

see also: JesusPets.com

Journal of a New COBRA Recruit

Since I've been busy with work, and posting cockshots on my other blog, I'm going to be lazy resourceful and post something that someone else wrote along time ago. Don't get all critical on me - it's not like I'm forcing you to watch this.

reproduced without permission from McSweeney's Internet Tendency:

JOURNAL OF A NEW COBRA RECRUIT
BY KEITH PILLE

May 1, 1986
Man. I'm so excited to graduate this month. It's been a fun few weeks, signing yearbooks and going to beer parties and such, but at the same time I keep feeling worried about what I'm going to do afterwards. I don't have the grades for college. Heck, when I talked to the Army recruiter about becoming a G.I., he said I don't even have the grades to serve my country. I sure don't want to work at the gas station like my brother.

- - - -

May 2, 1986
Today this guy in a blue uniform came up and gave me a pamphlet. Said he was a recruiter for COBRA, an outfit a lot like the army but without all those government regulations to slow down the fun. We talked a little and he said he liked the cut of my jib, thought I'd be great COBRA material.

- - - -

May 15, 1986
Signed up with COBRA today. I got real excited when they said I earned a signing bonus... figured it would be a couple hundred bucks that I could put toward a new bumper for my truck. Nope. Just a t-shirt with a funny-looking snake on the front. And I'm not supposed to wear it in public. Pretty weird stuff, but they seem like nice guys.

I report to COBRA boot camp out in Utah in the middle of June. The recruiter guy said that everyone around there thinks it's where some crazy old Mormon lives with all his wives. I'm not supposed to say anything about it to anyone. I'm supposed to tell Mom and Dad that I'm going off to work for the phone company.

- - - -

June 16, 1986
First day of boot camp was a bear. All of the other boots seem like nice guys. Don't know what any of them look like because the first thing they did when we got here was give us blue helmets with black hankies to cover up our faces. I'm getting pretty good at recognizing people's eyebrows though.

Figured we'd do a lot of exercise today, but we didn't do as much as I thought. Mostly just running out of a door and yelling "COBRA!" at the top of our lungs. I got pretty good at it. Now I can sound awful scary when I yell "COBRA!" You wouldn't think it would wear you down, but boy, am I pooped.

- - - -

June 18, 1986
Boot camp's still a lot of fun. And I'm learning a lot. Today we did more mental learning stuff than exercise. We received a lecture about our main enemy, the G.I. Joe team. Seems that Uncle Sam is so nervous about COBRA that he set up an elite team of soldiers just to try to fight us. I couldn't be more proud. I had no idea I was signing on with a bunch that was this important. I guess the Joes have stopped us at pretty much everything we've ever tried to do. But believe me, is that going to change now that Steve Loring is a member of COBRA!

Sarge said all kinds of funny things about how dumb the G.I. Joe team is. Like, they just have one person who's good at each thing they do. So they just have one guy who can fly a plane, and one guy who knows how to drive a tank, one guy who can fly a helicopter, one guy who can fight in the desert, and so on. They even have a whole aircraft carrier (for their one plane and one helicopter) with just a captain and one sailor to run it! Sarge was like, "What the heck kind of outfit is that?" and we were all just in stitches. Then this one recruit (I think it was Renfro, but I didn't get a good look at his eyebrows) says, "But if they're so dumb, how come they always beat us?"

Sarge made Renfro go out and run around the track and yell "COBRA!" for an hour.

- - - -

June 20, 1986
Real boring day. I was all ready for some more physical training, but instead Sarge led us into a room full of phones and made us cold-call people and ask them if they wanted to switch their long distance to COBRA. During the break, Renfro asked Sarge when we became a long-distance provider. Sarge explained that we had to do something to make money if we were going to afford a private army with hundreds of tanks and planes and a Terrordome, not to mention all the expenses from the Serpentor genetic engineering project. Working the phones was demoralizing, and people were usually pretty mad when we called them, but it felt good to be doing my duty for COBRA. In between calls, I amused myself by thinking of cool one-liners I could say if I ever got the drop on one of those G.I. Joe bums.

- - - -

June 21, 1986
Awful exciting day today. First we got to do our airborne training. They loaded us up into a plane, and we flew up and then jumped out. Our chutes had the big, scary COBRA symbol on them. It was awesome. But it was hard, because we were supposed to keep yelling "COBRA!" all the way down. It was tough to get enough breath to yell right at first. Sarge says it just takes practice.

After that we finally got to do weapons training. About time! They gave me a rifle and pointed at the target. I held the rifle up to my cheek and sighted down the barrel, just like I did when I went deer hunting with Grampa. Boy, did Sarge go apeshit over that! Got in my face and started yelling at me, asking how I expected to scare someone if I just stood there all quiet-like and shot so carefully. Sarge is a great teacher because he doesn't just criticize. He showed the right way to shoot. What you do is you start shooting your gun wildly and run towards the target as fast as you can and, in your scariest voice, you yell "COBRA!" We worked on that all afternoon, and just before we broke for dinner, I actually hit the target! Sarge and everyone else were so happy for me that they were about to cry. Told me I'd just set the record for marksmanship in COBRA boot camp. I wanted to call Mom and tell her the good news, but she thinks I work for the phone company.

- - - -

June 22, 1986
First Payday. No check, just a couple more of those t-shirts. Doughty and me planned to drive into town and sell the shirts for spending money, but Sarge caught wind of our plan, reminding us that we weren't supposed to let anyone see the t-shirts because then they'd know we were in COBRA.

- - - -

June 25, 1986
Tank training today! Wow, it was great! They didn't let us drive the HISS tanks ourselves, but we got to practice riding in the back turret and working the guns. By now we all knew what we were supposed to do without being told, and Sarge said he was so proud at the way we all just yelled "COBRA!" and shot wildly before he even showed us how.

Renfro tried to ruin the day with a whole bunch of his questions. First he asked Sarge why our combat fatigues were sky blue saying we're visible from a mile away at least. Then, when we were practicing with the HISS tanks, Renfro started in on why the HISS driver wasn't protected by anything more than a piece of glass. And for that matter, he continued, why do we run the guns from an open turret with no protection at all? Sarge just about blew up.

I think Renfro's going to be running around the track and yelling "COBRA!" for a long, long time tonight.

stormy weather

God Bless superfab blogger Cooper Green, for asking if the Skygarden survived the tornado that hit the Greater Toronto Area on Thursday evening.

Yes Cooper! Everything is fine here, and there was no damage to the Skygarden. I did lose a few nasturtium vines, but they are at the end on their blooming cycle and starting to die off anyways, so nature actually did me a small favour by pruning away the scraggly stuff. If anything, the deluge of rain helped a great deal after a week of high temperatures. Two days later, the Skygarden is still blooming strong, and a couple of lovely verbenas (at left) have made an appearance.

The tornadoes (five to seven recorded in total across southwestern Ontario) hit hardest just north of Toronto, in the communities of Vaughan and Woodbridge, where entire neighbourhoods were ripped apart. I certainly felt it here, but the damage was quite minimal - mostly flash flooding and a few branches tossed around the streets.


I got lucky - the winds came in hard from the west, so the plants were well-sheltered. I suffered a lot worse last summer, when a freak hail storm and high winds obliterated my garden in early August '08 and I had to replant every container.

Although the local media is making a huge deal out of Tornadofest '09, they're only doing so because this type of weather so rarely occurs in Southern Ontario. My heart goes out to the hundreds of families who lost their property to this storm, but I still think this was minor compared to the violent weather that residents of the Gulf Coast and southern/midwest U.S. deal with every single year. The last major weather system to destroy Toronto was back in October 1954, when Hurricane Hazel ripped the city apart and killed 81 people. This was nothing like that.

Skygarden: Part 4 - After the Rains

Thanks to a whole lot of rain a week ago and sunny skies for the past 4 days, the skygarden has finally evolved into the gallery of colour I was hoping for. The garden faces due south, but still enjoys all the perks of an eastern sunrise, so the balcony is lush and bursting in spite of continuing skirmishes with aphids.

We had a wicked lightning storm last Sunday - I've never seen so much lightning over the city during my 20 years of living in downtown Toronto. Like an idiot, I sat in the skygarden with a cocktail and no common sense and took 50 snapshots with my "crappy camera" because my "good camera" had dead batteries. Only one photo turned out, and it's not spectacular, but you get the idea.

Some interesting surprises turned up this week, including the return of lobelia and delphinium that reseeded from last year's garden. I've also got mystery petunias everywhere - they joined the party last week because I can only assume they had a really good time here last summer. They always come back for the free refills.

My favourites so far are the black pansies, which I've been waiting for all summer long. This variety has been hard to find in my location, and I just think they look really cool, so another big thanks to blogger James from Heavy: Lift With Caution for sending me a stellar selection of seeds from his own stash. In fact, half the skygarden came from an envelope from Denver, and the poor guy has suffered a summer of bad storms and uncooperative weather conditions in his own garden. Good news, James - your legacy is thriving north of 49.

Squirrel is the new Ham

HEADLINE: Squirrel is surprise star of holiday photo


This photo is quite hilarious, but I don't know why everyone is so surprised. Squirrels (and their sporty chipmunk cousins) are the most skilled photo crashers in the animal kingdom.

Oh, they make it look like a cute little accident, but I think I know a thing or two about squirrels messing with your shot: