Friday, June 1, 2007

Gluteus Maximus: "Are you not entertained?!"

dear New Yorkers and San Frannies,

Celebrate your love for guns and pussy at these screenings of Bruce LaBruce's film "Give Piece of Ass a Chance", starring the Scandelles!

Newfest - New York LGBT Film festival
Saturday, June 2 at 10:30pm
Monday, June 4 at 3:45pm
AMC Loews 34th Street Theatre 10

frameline 31
SF Int'l LGBT Film Festival
opening for RuPaul's new film, Starrbooty
Saturday, June 23, 8:30 PM
Castro Theatre

click on links for ticket info and locations

photo of Kitty Neptune courtesy of Bruce LaBruce


T said...

I'm speechless... -PAD, you first.

pistols at dawn said...


That man is responsible for the single most awkward moment of my life. Well, no, I've had so many of those that none are truly the most awkward, but that moment sucked.

I was at Sundance in 2004 or 2005 and a friend got tickets to a bunch of screenings, including a midnight screening to a Bruce LaBruce film. Sure, the first 20 minutes, where some woman said quasi-revolutionary things while getting it on in an elevator were kinda funny, especially to people like me who find Marxism funny...and oddly arousing. (If a woman ever said things like, "F-ing in the bedroom is for the bourgeoise" as she led me to a public elevator, I'd respect her if not love her immediately.)

Plus, the girl was pretty cute.

Then, the movie devolved into boring gay porn with no jokes whatsoever, and not only did 2/3rds of the audience walk out, I had to sit next to my male friend watching gay porn.

Look, I know film festivals are all about gay stories and road movies and father and son films (meaning that a gay father and son road trip movie would win every festival), but there was absolutely no warning in any program description of the film. That's just bad taste, because if I'd wanted to watch hot dude on dude action, well, I wouldn't have been in Utah, for starters.

So F you, Bruce LaBruce.

pistols at dawn said...

I'd just like to point out that I'm so angry it couldn't be contained in one comment. Though the motion doesn't translate to the written word, I am shaking my fist right now.

katrocket said...

Haha! Well, B.LaB has a special way with touching people in inappropriate areas. You may be more comforted by the fact that this particular film is all-female, one of his rare forays into girl-on-girl action. But in case his website didn't offend you enough to judge the film's content for yourself, please consider Pistols' review as a disclaimer. This film contains scenes that may be offensive. Viewer Discretion is advised. Also - B.LaB's website is definitely not safe for work.

T said...

PAD - I knew you'd handle this one! I am SO OVERJOYED I wasn't the guy sitting next to you in that theater!!!

KAT - You rock, but sometimes your team is nowhere near my team in the standings.

My first ever porn movie:

I was up late one night with my then hot 16 year-old girlfriend Susie, watching ON-TV, (remember that?) when The Travels of Some Hot Dick (not real title, but good enough) starts the Late-Night programming hours. Susie and I are to the heavy Frenching stages of our courtship, but still virgins, and John Holmes comes walking in towards the camera with nothing on but his curlies.

Susie's face looked somewhat shocked and intrigued. I just felt under-achieved.

No need to go on. I still get tears in my eyes...

pistols at dawn said...

I'm still mad, but this made me thing of another terrible movie-based experience when a girl asked me over to her dorm room to watch Pink Flamingoes, where I learned that straight sex scenes could be completely gross. She talked about her Marine boyfriend who wasn't around, and I wondered: "Does she want to f? Because watching that movie put me off doing it for at least three hours, so if so, I'd better stall for time by demanding she read half of The Illiad as foreplay."

I ended up leaving her apartment sans doing it, confused, too late to catch public transportation back home. If it were a movie, I would have gone back to her place and we wouldn't have left the bed the entire weekend, but since it was real life, I just wandered around Boston for a couple of hours until I found a cab who charged me way too much to get home and pretty soon I moved away and sometimes she'd send me postcards and when she did, I'd think, "Oh, she did want to f. Damn it, she was cute."

Happy weekend to me! Thanks, Kat!

katrocket said...

T: That's fair enough. I'm a Leafs fan, so I'm used to being nowhere near other teams in the standings.

P.S. - this is as hardcore as it'll ever get on Rocketradio. Congratulations for making it this far. I assure you that future programming will be more suitable for my readers in the Silver Set.

katrocket said...

Pistols: You are most welcome. If you can take a joyless stroll through the barren garden of your sexual mistrials, and then laugh about it with a bunch of strangers, then Rocketradio has done its job.

Tune in next week, when I'll remind y'all of that time when you had to overcome cold-weather based shrinkage to impress your femme du jour, and once again failed miserably.

T said...


Just don't get TOO suitable, or I might leave...

Are all the Maple Leaf fans still upset about Gretsky?

I'm upset that the Ducks will probably win the Cup before my Kings.

pistols at dawn said...

Kat - you are of course not being judged for any and all salaciousness, and not just because we don't know what that word means. Just because I eat my dinner at 4:00pm doesn't mean I'm 80; that's just when the best deals are.

What I'm saying is, I'm sure we all appreciate you pushing the envelope, even when that envelope is full of pictures, videos, and handwritten testimonies of my more sexually awkward and depressing moments.

Chris said...

Shrinkage. I've been using THAT excuse for years...

pistols at dawn said...

Also, you all are just jealous of the tremendously powerful Washington Capitals, who stand astride the NHL like a Colossus of Rhodes...wearing skates.

T said...

Just a thought:
If Helios was hung like John Holmes, the Rhodians (and their enemies) would have had a helluva time getting their boats by.

-Maybe he wasn't so Colossus after all...

T said...

P.S. The Capitals SUCK!

pistols at dawn said...

T, that's just what they want you to think...mission accomplished.

katrocket said...

The B.LaB. curse has been broken! Birdy attended Saturday's screening in NYC, and didn't yell at me afterwards. In fact, he used the word "fun", so stick that in your Pistols and smoke it.

pistols at dawn said...

But did he attend with a male friend? And were there literally hours of dude on dude action in the film? And is Birdy a more sensitive, cultured, and intelligent person than I am?

Wait, I already know the answer to that last one. I need to stop setting up challenges that I'll lose.

Let's try this: Are the Olsen twins smarter than me?

So THAT's what victory feels like!

katrocket said...

Pistols, I believe Birdy may have attended with a female. This film featured an all-female cast, so his experience differed greatly from yours.

Birdy is a cultured and intelligent person, but not "sensitive". He's not as evil as you, but he keeps it real. I wish he'd give up his day job and teach Man lessons.

You are smarter than the Olsen Twins in theory. However, on paper, they were billionaires at age 18, and you were not, so you may need to present more evidence in order to win this case.

pistols at dawn said...

They also managed to make all that money while spending their entire childhood looking vaguely simian, so perhaps they are brilliant. I am smarter than the network executive who greenlit "Cop Rock."

katrocket said...

Just because you're not smarter than the Olsen Twins, doesn't mean you get to lower the bar all the way down to network exec level in order to make yourself look good. Those guys can make a plastic fork seem smart in comparison. That's like saying you have better manners than, oh... primordial ooze.

pistols at dawn said...

I'm not sure that I do, Kat. They probably know the proper term for an escargot fork, or which knife Miss Manners would have me stab the annoying guest on my left with.

Also, I wish you'd told me about not lowering the bar too low before I got those "Pistols at Dawn - Better Than Hitler" self-promotional shirts printed up.

katrocket said...

Well, I still think you're better than Hitler. Only marginally of course, but everyone will overlook that fact because you used such a cool font.

pistols at dawn said...

Yessir! I fell for their clever bumper sticker - "If you're going to invade the Sudetenland, make sure your plans are in Helvetica. No one can argue with anything in that curvy, bold font."

That is one long-ass bumper sticker.