Monday, September 24, 2007

Tourists are funny

Today I had lunch with a friend of mine who works at the Toronto Tourism Board. She spends most of her day answering calls from inquisitive tourists-to-be on their toll-free information line. It's so unlike me to waste a perfectly good margarita by laughing it right out my nose, but her hotline stories were so damn funny, I totally lost my ability to retain liquids.

REAL questions from the hotline:

Why do French Canadians have a different accent from other Canadians?

How do I apply for the Canadian Express card?

What's all this about Boxing Day in Toronto? Do you box on that day?

I heard about that new law and I'd like to find out... uh, my girlfriend would like to know the best places to go topless in Toronto.

Caller: How far is Boston from Toronto?
My friend: About 900 kilometers, or 565 miles.
Caller: So if I drive using miles, it won't take me as long to get there? Is that what you're saying?

Will the Toronto subway take me to Vancouver?

I'm entertaining some executives visiting from out of town, and I would like to know where they can ride some llamas.

What information do you have on Italy?


Beth said...

You don't box on Boxing Day? Huh. And why is it that those French Canadians have different accents!

Love those questions?

Chris said...

"Hello? Can you tell me where the nearest Snarbucks is?"

T said...

"...topless in Toronto"

As soon as I figure out the subway schedule (from SoCal to Canada), I'm there.

The Guv'ner said...

I was cruising through those enjoying the giggles until I got to the llamas. Now I am wearing my drink and coughing up a storm.

At least it wasn't SNARBUCKS.

Snooze said...

OH I love the Boston comment. I worked at an information booth for Toronto Tourism 15 years ago and I loved American tourists who would tell me they were staying at the El Hotel (it was L'Hotel)

katrocket said...

Beth: Boxing Day is a public holiday (Dec 26) in Commonwealth countries. Here in Canada, it's regarded as the best day to shop for huge bargains (kinda like "Black Friday", the day after Thanksgiving in the U.S.) And French Canadians speak Quebecois so hence the accents. God, I hope you were kidding, my friend.

Chris: walk 2 blocks until you come to the deaf retard, then turn right.

T: You'll totally LOVE the boobtastic lifestyle!

guv: the llama one is my fave! WHO the hell would ride a LLAMA on a biz trip??? I totally lost my cocktail!

snooze: hilarious! I could never do that job - I would give too many smartass answers.

Leonesse said...

Darn, Beth beat me to it. However, I did NOT know it was called Quebecois, unless you are pulling my leg.

katrocket said...

Leonesse: Yep, "Quebecois" is the actual language spoken by French Canadians - different words and accent than "Parisian" french. The difference is similar to American vs. British... both english, but different in many ways.

I'd never make jokes about the French (Celine excepted). That's Pistols' turf.

T said...

Kat - Boobtastic Lifestyle will be my new subtitle. THANKS!

(I would suggest 'Topless in Toronto' for yours, but that would be too forward now, wouldn't it?)

Beth said...

Yes, I was kidding. Even we Southeners know what Boxing Day is!

Grant Miller said...

So where is the best place to go topless?

I love how you used the label "Humour!" Totally keeps with the Canadian vibe you're portraying.

pistols at dawn said...

I simply don't believe the miles/km one. I refuse.

And what the hell is this, me posting 12th? Where the hell has my game been? I'm so late to the party that I'm thinking I wasn't invited at all. Great, I'm in high school again.

Also, Quebecois is to French what adding "o" to the end of every English word you say is to Spanish. Io loveo Spanisho. If you ever want to piss a Frenchman off, ask him about the excellent pronunciation of the Quebecois.

katrocket said...

T: done and done!

Grant: Hanlan's Point, Burger King, my house.

Pistols: I thought you had become far too popular to be seen writing comments here. You and your cool kid friends like Grant Miller. I knew the day would come. *sob*

It's cool, it's okay. I'm fine.

pistols at dawn said...

As long as you have boobs, I'll never be too cool for you.

Boldly Serving Up Wheat Grass said...

My favorite thing about Canada is the Two-nees (not sure how to spell it) -- the $2 coins. If I'm ever elected President of the USA, we're getting frickin' $2 coins.

Dale said...

Are you sure she's not working with Rick Mercer, Kat? Pretty hilarious, my sister used to come up against this sort of stuff working at a hotel that catered to a lot of out of towners (a nice way of saying Americans).