It's Grant Miller's birthday tomorrow, so Rocketradio would like to take a moment to congratulate Mr. Miller on this glorious and historical occasion.
Some of you may not be acquainted with the powerful CEO of Grant Miller Media, but that's because he seriously does not have time for you and your bullshit. Do you have any idea how fucking busy he is?
So I put the Rocket Research team into overdrive this week, gathering biographical information about the 14th Best Personal Blogger in the universe in order to bring you a little closer to The Man behind The Empire when you make a comment on his blog or send your best wishes, along with your certified cheque or money order.
The facts below are presented for entertainment purposes only, and are not admissible to a court of law.
- A reputable source tells us that Grant Miller "likes disco, eating orange peels, and the feel of melted cheese between his toes."
- Grant Miller can imitate Andy Rooney and Warren Beatty better than Andy Rooney can imitate Warren Beatty and Warren Beatty can imitate Andy Rooney. No one can imitate Grant Miller. There are no substitutes for Grant Miller.
- Grant Miller is a best-selling author of erotic fiction.
- Grant Miller is a maverick of haute couture, and designed his own line of clothing long before other, much lamer celebrities jumped on the fashion bandwagon.
- Grant Miller has single-handedly prevented the United States of America from further political implosion with his Award-Winning Series™ on The Unelectables.
- Grant Miller is never afraid to admit when he's wrong.
- Grant Miller is a disciple of the Holy Trinity of baseball, politics, and lame jokes.
- The secret to Grant Miller's phenomenal rise to power may lie in his innate ability to compile an incredibly useful list.
- Grant Miller probably won't see this post because he has more important things to do than reading my blog.
- Fuck you, Grant Miller, for not reading my blog.
Happy birthday, Grant Miller.
I baked you some cupcakes using your very own special recipe. I even removed all the tiny bones, so you won't have to worry about taking your dentures out or anything.
Have yourselves a Great Miller weekend, everybody.