Friday, September 5, 2008

Happy Birthday, Grant Miller

It's Grant Miller's birthday tomorrow, so Rocketradio would like to take a moment to congratulate Mr. Miller on this glorious and historical occasion.

Some of you may not be acquainted with the powerful CEO of Grant Miller Media, but that's because he seriously does not have time for you and your bullshit. Do you have any idea how fucking busy he is?

So I put the Rocket Research team into overdrive this week, gathering biographical information about the 14th Best Personal Blogger in the universe in order to bring you a little closer to The Man behind The Empire when you make a comment on his blog or send your best wishes, along with your certified cheque or money order.

The facts below are presented for entertainment purposes only, and are not admissible to a court of law.

- A reputable source tells us that Grant Miller "likes disco, eating orange peels, and the feel of melted cheese between his toes."

- Grant Miller can imitate Andy Rooney and Warren Beatty better than Andy Rooney can imitate Warren Beatty and Warren Beatty can imitate Andy Rooney. No one can imitate Grant Miller. There are no substitutes for Grant Miller.

- Grant Miller is a best-selling author of erotic fiction.

- Grant Miller is a maverick of haute couture, and designed his own line of clothing long before other, much lamer celebrities jumped on the fashion bandwagon.

- Grant Miller has single-handedly prevented the United States of America from further political implosion with his Award-Winning Series™ on The Unelectables.

- Grant Miller is never afraid to admit when he's wrong.

- Grant Miller is a disciple of the Holy Trinity of baseball, politics, and lame jokes.

- The secret to Grant Miller's phenomenal rise to power may lie in his innate ability to compile an incredibly useful list.

- Grant Miller probably won't see this post because he has more important things to do than reading my blog.

- Fuck you, Grant Miller, for not reading my blog.

Happy birthday, Grant Miller.

I baked you some cupcakes using your very own special recipe. I even removed all the tiny bones, so you won't have to worry about taking your dentures out or anything.

Have yourselves a Great Miller weekend, everybody.


Dr Zibbs said...

Hi everyone. It's me - Dr Zibbs. As a reader and linker to Mr Miller, I've had the greatest respect for him and his organization. But seeing the funny glasses and hat, I now view him only as a fool.

poobomber said...

Holy crap, and I didn't even remember to get him flowers!!!

The Guv'ner said...

Happy bidet GM!!!

Wait! Those aren't puffer fish on your concoctions those are COOTCHES! Vah jay jays. Snatches. Are you calling poor Grant Miller a c**t?

I need coffee. I am feeling odd.

Grant Miller said...

Fuck me?? Fuck Me?? Well didn't have to twist my arm.

Thanks to your crack research team for all the links!

pistols at dawn said...

I gave him the greatest compliment I can give him by guest posting on his blog awhile back, which is the only time I've ever done that. For Miller, you change the rules around a little. Like the one about what is and isn't gay.

Also, I'd like to here and now take credit for getting Grant started on the path to erotic fiction with my guest post, which, as you can see involved Supreme Court Erotic Fiction. I am so inspirational to everyone.

SkylersDad said...

To borrow from the fine Dos Equis commercials:

Grant Miller is the only man to ever ace the Rorschach test.

Grant Millers legend proceeds him like lightning proceeds thunder.

Every time Grant goes swimming, Dolphins appear.

Alien abductors have asked him to probe them.

His blood smells like cologne.

Happy Birthday Grant!

Boldly Serving Up Wheat Grass said...

Sounds like a fun blog. I'll have to check it out sometime.

BeckEye said...

How can I get Grant Miller to jump out of his own cake as a present to me on his birthday?

katrocket said...

dr. zibbs: Well, someone had to burst your bubble. I'm glad it was me.

poobomber: You still have time!

Grant Miller: Happy birthday, sir. My crack research team has proven they do great work, with or without all that crack.

Guv'ner: I would never call Mr. Miller a cunt, but I did bake him some fannycakes, since they were such a popular favourite on your birthday.

Pistols: I actually suspect that you are Grant Miller.

Skylers Dad: I LOVE those! My 2faves are... "He's a lover, not a fighter. But he's also a fighter, so don't get any ideas." ... and
"His organ donation card also lists his beard."

BSUWG: Meh, it's alright.

BeckEye: I would enjoy that as well... Let's ask him!

Leonesse said...

I was not invited. F you Miller.