Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Recovery clinic shout-outs

Katrocket barely survived the 4-day comeback tour, and shall be resting poolside with a trashy novel for the rest of the week. We would like to thank the following sponsors for a highly entertaining Canada Day weekend extravaganza:

CHEERS to.....

>> Mark Belford - for helping me bag many trophies during the Shopping Safari. You made me look so gorgeous, I may just have to mount myself later.

>> Cindy & Rina at maximumwoman.com - here's to new business relationships! Woohoo!

>> Yaman & Ryan - for an awesome BBQ and fireworks show! And for wearing The Apron.

>> Lanny - for raiding Mexico with me on Saturday. Next month we invade Germany!

>> Kimi Raikkonen - the stunningly handsome Robot of My Heart wins his second race of the season for Ferrari! Honourable mention to second place Felipe Massa, for bringing in Ferrari's first one-two finish since last July. Yay!

>> Dame Judi Dench - for creeping me out so nicely in "Notes on a Scandal"

>> the Black Fly Beverage Company Inc., makers of Vodka Infused Spiked Ice, for FINALLY marketing boozy popsicles to adults.

JEERS to....

>> Katrocket, for not having the endurance, stamina, or stomach to attend Caesarfest, and bailing out at T minus 4 hours. I suck sometimes. Please keep the rumours to a minimum.

>> The bus driver who lectured me like a child in front of everyone on the bus this morning just because I forgot to get a fucking transfer at the station. Did it make you feel good to wield all that awesome power - the power to make a hungover and absent-minded office worker pay two fares to get to work? Did it make your penis any bigger? No?? I didn't think so, jerk.

>> The Saturday night cabbie who kept asking me if I wanted a massage because I looked "tense". I'm pretty sure I was looking tense because you would not shut up about giving me a massage, and you were freaking me out. Oh yeah, that was me who called your dispatcher and told them you're a fucking creepy perv. I was a little disappointed to find out I wasn't the first girl to receive your limited time offer on a wide array of spa services. I hope you're enjoying your time off, dickhead.

>> Pineapple juice and Malibu rum - how can something so sweet and fantastic be such a BITCH to me the next day???


pistols at dawn said...

Welcome back, miss. I am glad to hear tales of other people drinking copious amounts, because then I feel like I attended one of those "let's talk about our copious amounts of drinking" meetings everyone's always trying to make me go to. I don't need your rules and interventions, and who are you to judge me, just because you're a "legally elected judge" who "enforces rules against my waking up naked in the ball pit at a Chuck E. Cheese?"

(My defense - "It is, after all, the ball pit" - was ineffective.)

katrocket said...

Note to self: enter that "Win a Date with Pistols" contest at the State Fair this year. He's got guns AND balls. Sounds fun.

pistols at dawn said...

I like that contest, because it ensures I get one date every year. Sadly, it's with someone who attends a county fair, and that means I've got to have the teeth and brains in the relationship, which is asking a lot of me.

Bert Bananas said...

Did the cabbie have a bible?

Did the bus driver have a bible?

Is life meaningless?

Does Caeserfest end with a breech presentation and some cutting?

katrocket said...


The bus driver was both bible-less and humourless.

The cabbie had a copy of Swank and the TV listings next to him on the front passenger seat, a possible Plan B for his massage clinic?

I can only speak personally - my life is far from meaningless, but then again, I'm delusional.

No babies, Romans or salads are harmed during Ceasarfest (sorry bloodhounds), but awarding participants with breeches is a swell idea for next year.

T said...

A breech-less Caesarfest would be very interesting, -except for those guys that show-up without their Speedos on and want to take a dip in the (cold) Roman spa. -That would just be funny...

We (Bert and I) need to bring you down to the Desert to help liven up our Fourth of July. Of course it would mainly be for our morning golf game because Bert always goes to bed before the fireworks (or him) go off.

Welcome back.

pistols at dawn said...

I think this cabbie just wanted to help you celebrate Caesarfest by stabbing you in the back repeatedly with his filthy, filthy hands and calling it "a massage."

Also, I need to stop referring to fancy things as "Swank...like the magazine," because it deservedly earns me a lot of ugly stares from pretty people.